Fear

Do you remember the first time you were introduced to fear? How about the last time that you experienced fear, do you remember how it made you feel. Most people feel fear or anxiety in many different ways although many of us know that it's just an emotion or a warning signal.

Fear is an unpleasant emotion perceived by the threat of danger, pain or harm. Many of us refer to it as anxiety when we have to do certain things or go into certain environments.

The first time I heard the word fear was when I was a young boy, probably around 7 years old. I can clearly remember my mother raising the topic with me and my 2 siblings. Neither of us had an idea of what fear was or why it was such an important topic. It's amazing the things you remember as you get older, wiser and move through life. Most people would think that it was a gruesome topic the way my mother introduced it, but we were young. She talked to us about death and why it was a part of life and nothing that we should ever fear or be afraid of throughout our life. Like a 2 year old, much like today, I had lots of questions for her. I asked many questions like, "Mom what's death, mom what's fear, mom what does it feel like, mum is it a person that lives near us". She smiled and kept talking about how we should live a great life without regrets, always help others and when the time comes, accept it with a smile and tell your friends how much you love them. You can imagine what I was thinking. I couldn't wait for the discussion to be over so I could go outside and play with my friends and annoy my older sister and brother. They looked pretty restless too.

To my surprise, those odd conversations about fear stayed with me and made me stronger in my life and not afraid of many things. The one thing I was always afraid of was the full moon, especially when it's big, bright and orange because of stories my Uncle would tell me that the man in the moon was always watching me. In my 20s I finally was brave enough to confront it, accidentally of course. One night I was walking from the Fairmont Hotel after work and the scary moon was out watching me. I was walking as fast as i could, sweating and trying not to look at the moon that seemed to always be in front of me or behind me or next to me. I came chanting, the moon is beautiful, the moon is my friend, look at it, look at it. After a few times I grew to admire the beautiful scary moon. Today I wonder why adults tell children scary things, like the boogey man may be in your closet or under your bed if you are not a good boy. Hah.

As I grew up I learned to realise that fear and anxiety can exist in a variety of settings such as:

• Being interviewed for a new job or position

• Going on a blind date or a first date

• Taking an exam

• Preparing for surgery

• Public speaking

• Walking into an event or room when you don't know anyone at all

• Being in a crowded elevator or bus

• Getting lost in an unfamiliar neighbourhood

• Walking down a quiet dark street trying to reach your destination

To my surprise, none of these frightened me after the first time experiencing them. Fear or Anxiety can make most of us feel a variety of things such as: fast heart beats, dry mouth, noisy stomach, tense muscles, hard to concentrate, short of breath, sweating, loss of voice for a short period, or inner voices creating negative thoughts. Some thought include: your outfit is hideous, you are not attractive, you can't answer those questions, or even the interview panel hates you, but you must push forward. Fear can be used to make each of us stronger, giving us the strength to try new things and to step out on the ledge and see what will happen.

As an adult, I learned new meanings of fear and anxiety. Now imagine what it would be like for a black or brown person dealing with any of the above mentioned items. Old fears from our parents get added to the list that must be dealt with very carefully. Are you with me? Let me explain, for someone of color the voyage is a bit different. We must prepare whenever

we do the following tasks, they may sound ridiculous, but they are true. For example:

• Walking into a department store, pharmacy, supermarket or any type of store

• Entering some restaurants

• Going in for a job interview

• Driving while black or brown

• Traveling and dealing with TSA agents

• Going for a walk

• Entering an elevator

• Entering a building

These are just some of the things that could create fear and anxiety if you are a person of color. Studies have shown that this type of stress may cause long term effects on one's health. Many of us have succeeded at learning how to suppress these fears and moments of anxiety to be able to survive in society today. However, we are all impacted by the stress and what it does to the body. In most situations, people react in a variety of ways when they feel threatened.

Fight: The physical brain tells the body to fight because it senses danger. It's a bit like have the robot from Lost in Space telling yelling, danger Will Robinson, Danger. Our emotions warn and prepare us to fight the enemy. It's an emotion of anger. This often happens when you walk into an establishment and a security guard will either follow you around the store or a police person will place their hand on their gun. Please note that it doesn't matter what color the police or the security person is, they have been programmed to watch anyone of color entering the establishment because they are there to steal, rob or cause harm to others.

Flight: Is when the survival brain tells the body to run or turn around and walk away because you are entering a dangerous situation. This can happen if you are at a party but your gut tells you that this is not a good place to be and you may leave early. This is an action of wanting to hide and an emotion of denial.

Freeze: These are protective instincts based on feelings. It's like being frozen. Freeze is the action to comply and the emotion to simply shut down. For example, if your boss or manager ask you a question and you just go blank or freeze. We often call it the deer in the headlights stare.

Appease: This is the thinking brain trying to befriend or using one's charm to get the unknown person to relax and to start to feel comfortable with you. It's like giving a pacify to a screaming child.

Disassociate: This is when the brain makes informed rational decisions. However this takes patience and training of the mind and body. It's the emotion of trying to connect. Some people have always had the knowledge and instinct to make rational decisions. I have always had this talent and when I took an Emotional Intelligence course and read many books on the topic I was able to enhance my skills to negotiate and understand what the other person may be feeling or have gone through before my entrance.

Fear keeps us all from living and reach out our goals. It feeds stagnation and keeps us from taking advantage of opportunities that may be available. When the brain senses fear or danger it prepares the body for an emergency. We have been trained to move quickly when someone screams, Fire. Living in California for most of my life, we were taught to get under our desks at school, under a sturdy table or to stand in a doorway during an earthquake. The moment you hear or feel the shaking of the earth beneath you, the brain screams danger and you choose what to do to protect yourself and your loved ones.

As a person of color, the fears, rational or non-rational are always a part of you. Experience has provided us with the capacity to choose very quickly how we want to respond to danger. When dealing with police people who pull you over for no reason except for having the wrong skin color, you quickly access the situation and choose how you will handle the situation. Many who were unable to grasp such skills are residing in prisons all over the world. The President of the United States using fear tactics to his advantage to frighten people and to turn people against each other, creating turmoil and trauma throughout the country.

How to reduce this type of anxiety takes lots of practice that includes, exercise, healthy eating, taking slow deep breaths, meditation, mindfulness, and lots of patience and control of the self. It also helps to sit with the fear or feeling of anxiety for 2 to 3 minutes each time you feel it. It's also amazing how much humour and laughter helps. For me, this is a year of observing and actively listening to everything around me. I wish that I could release my fears, but they are real and I am not allowed to ever forget them or how to handle difficult situations. You see, I refuse to choose fight, flight or freeze as an option because I strive to change things for generations to come and help others to survive.