After Life

When you read or hear the words after life, what comes to mind for you? Most people think of life after death which makes a lot of sense. Throughout my many lessons in life, the term After Life has taken on many different meanings that may all be interpreted as positive and valuable experiences. It's all in the way that we view circumstances and how we react to them.

This week I chatted with many friends and colleagues about things happening in their lives and their input helped me to prepare this week's blog post. Here are a couple of life after experiences that we can all relate to and appreciate.

One of the hardest losses was losing my mother. Like most elderly people she had her share of health issues, but it was mostly that she was getting older. Spending the last three years with her had a major impact on my life and taught me so many valuable lessons. Today, I understand the need to listen to our elders. All the kicks and punches that life has given me are things that my mom tried to teach to me and my siblings, but we were much too busy to pay attention or understand. The stories that she shared with me about her life growing up, about her siblings and so many funny stories made me wish that I had spent more time with her when I was younger. I suppose we all think that way about our parents when they are no longer with us. I always tell friends that still have their parents around, to cherish them and spend time with them because they carry great gifts that they want to share with us if we are open to listening and not looking down at our mobile devices.

I can remember being 17 or 18 years old and extremely anxious to get out of the house and start my own life. A lot of getting out was my mom pushing all of us at the age of 18 to make a life decision. I can still hear her voice saying to me, "It's time to start your life, and you have a few choices." She continued, "You can go to college, join the military, become a preacher or continue working as a messenger boy with the local bank." As a very immature boy, I was frightened of the choices. Of course I thought, me a preacher and that made both of us laugh out loud. Joining the military like my big brother was equally as funny since I was the smallest one in the family, so I decided on going to college. The problem was that we had no money for such things and mom laughed when I announced to the family that I was going to be a Paediatrician. I suppose it was funny at that time. She reminded me that I was a little nappy headed Black boy and medical schools wouldn't accept me because of the colour of my skin and if they did, I wouldn't be able to get an internship or start a practice -- again, because of the colour of my skin. That was several decades ago and it blows my mind that the racism card is still being used to discriminate against men and women of colour all over the world. So, I worked very hard on finishing high school and stayed on the honour roll. It led to my being selected for a scholarship to college for 2 years. I didn't give it a thought about how I would get through the remaining two years. Most of my friends accepted their faith of not getting out of the ghetto and many still remain there or have died there. My point is that the choices we make in our situations and our lives can make a difference in our after life. My mother was wise enough to know that she had to push me out by any means necessary for the sake of my survival and to experience life.

This week, ending a difficult relationship was the most talked about with friends. We have all been there at some point in our lives. Most of us are smart enough to know when we are about to enter into a negative relationship with another person. We often feel that we have the power to help the other person to become stronger and mend their broken bones. In reality the bones can only be mended when the person wants to save themselves. Most of the time relationships come to an end and the stronger person or the caregiver in the partnership comes out of it wounded and often blaming themselves for not succeeding at rebuilding the broken person. My response is to stop blaming yourself and to see it as an opportunity for a better life after. As wounded and heartbroken as one may feel, this is probably the best thing that could have happened to you and it's time to pat yourself on the back for trying to help someone you love. For many, they will continue to look for that caregiver to try to heal them. Remember, it's a great opportunity to take a closer look at the lesson and evaluate what was learned and how you would do things differently the next time. I strongly believe that the best relationship anyone can have is with that very special person known as themselves. We all have the power to make it a great life after. Remember, life is about learning from challenging experiences that helps us to grow and hopefully not repeat them. Quite often through this experience, many doors will open because someone is not keeping great things from entering into your life.

Life after losing a job that you loved can be devastating for most people. Working most of my life as a contractor, this happened often, not because I wasn't doing a good job, but usually because of jealousy or a person that felt threatened. The greatest lesson was learning that none of these situations should be taken as a personal slap, although initially I did think that way. Today I see is an a great opportunity to prepare for the next level using all the expertise that I picked up along the way. It's when I finally understood the benefits of good leadership vs. unqualified people sitting in positions pretending to be a leader. It always reminds me of a great book I read years ago and I continue to read over and over again every few years. It's like the ink on each page is still wet although it was written in 1969. It's called the Peter Principle. I just started reading it again today. Each and every time that it's read, I discover something new that makes me think. The Peter Principle is a concept in management developed by Dr. Laurence J. Peter, which observes that people in a hierarchy tend to rise to their own level of incompetence. The book was written to be a satire, but became quite popular as it was seen to make a serious point about the shortcomings of how people are promoted within hierarchical organisations. If you haven't read it yet, check it out, it's quite entertaining and very informative.

One of the best life after courses I ever had occurred two years ago with the loss of someone I thought could be a good friend. It was one of the few times that I refused to listen to my intuition and gut. All of the red flags were waving around their head every time we got together, but I wanted my instinct that had never failed me before, to be wrong. it's one lesson that I will never repeat again in this lifetime. I was fortunate to escape without any collateral damage because the fake facade that was projected came to a smashing end when they became twisted in the many lies that had been told. It was very interesting to watch a fake person destroy every single friendship right in front of your eyes. No words were ever exchanged or any apologies given, not that it was expected. I should thank them for giving me a great after life experience because it reminded me how to choose the right people to be a part of my life that I trust and reminded me to follow and listen to my intuition.

Living through HIV/AIDS was one of the most difficult times. During that period, I lost my loving partner and almost every one of my friends. I can count the ones that I didn't lose on just one hand. The best part is that I am still close and in contact with the ones that survived such a devastating period of time. Each and every one of them are still my shining light. They call me out when I am about to do something wrong and help me to work through issues. They also tease me just like they always did when we were in our twenties, making me laugh until tears run down my legs. The ones that passed away all still make me smile because of the love and kindness that they exhibited even with their final breath. My after life from HIV/AIDS provide me with the greatest memories of true warriors and fighters making it possible for people to live today and survive. They all helped me to view the world in a very positive light and I am so grateful to each of them.

The latest after life that I am looking forward to witnessing is life after COVID. Each and every day I feel the pain that so many people around the world are experiencing as a result of COVID. I see poor communities suffering the most and actually dying. When I watch the news and see the pain that families are experiencing in India, Brazil, Mexico, and the United States it makes sad. When walking to my favourite park during the day, I often will enter into a conversations with many people that I don't know and I believe no matter where we are, many are feeling the same emotions. We all want COVID to come to an end, but deep down inside everyone shares that they know things will never be the way it was before COVID came to visit us on a global level. It's a struggle for me to put aside my anger over the poor political decisions that many elected officials made that is affecting millions of people around the world. Now, I am focused on what the lessons of COVID has been, and will be. I sincerely hope that we will all be able to move forward with a greater appreciation of our lives. Overall, what I am seeing in my community is that more and more people are expressing kindness to each other and more open to talking about their feelings. For over a year, our true feelings have been locked away because of fear, fake news and conspiracy theories that fly around the world faster than I can put my shoes on to go for a walk. I desire for my after life experience of COVID to be a lesson to remind people how important the person standing next to you is, regardless of the colour of their skin or if they are wealthy or barely surviving. Showing kindness is simple. It's seeing the good in everyone and celebrating it. COVID has taught me that we are all the same, whether it's believed or not. It has also become a priority to spend time, even if it's on Zoom with those that I love and trust. It has also taught me to savour so many experiences and to be grateful. No one should be judged by anyone because COVID is certainly not judging those inflicted with the virus.