One of the best parts of my life has been growing older and enjoying life to the fullest. When I was a young boy and man, I thought that old people became older or ancient like an old relic. I never believed that one day, if I was lucky, I would also become an old man. Many of my younger and older friends have shared with me their concerns and fears about becoming older. Basically, getting more mature is just a part of life that we can enjoy or hide away in a dark closet instead of having fun. My goal has always been to never let anything get in the way of having a good time with my true friends.
Ageing is a natural process that my parents and relatives would not talk about unless they were teasing us children by calling us names like little old man or woman. Then my friends and I would laugh hysterically as my brother would hold me down and tickle me. Over the years many friends have expressed their need to make changes to their faces and bodies to recreate a youthful appearance. Many have opted to get botox, facelifts, and other invasive treatments. Twenty years ago, I scheduled an appointment with a plastic surgeon. It was an interesting consultation that taught me a lot about my skin, face, and physical appearance. My doctor, to this day, was gorgeous and I inquired if he had face work done. He laughed and said, "Not yet young man." It was exciting the way he marked up my face where the wrinkles were, the puffy eyes, the throat, and forehead. He was honest and said that surgery was not needed, but I insisted on wanting to learn more. The cost seemed reasonable to me to make all the positive changes that I thought were needed. I decided to get the work done and would use a credit card to pay the $5,000 fee that included a week of recovery in a lovely centre. My partner agreed to my wishes with one condition that I pay for it with cash, and not a credit card. After crying for a few hours, I realised that the surgery was a luxury, and I didn't have the cash so I gave up on the idea.
As we grow older, we experience an increasing number of major life changes, including career transitions and retirement, children leaving home, the loss of loved ones, physical and health challenges—and even a loss of independence. How we handle and grow from these changes is often the key to healthy ageing. Coping with change is difficult at any age and it’s natural to feel the losses you experience. Often when I pass a mirror at home or see my reflection in the window of a local shop, I often get a fright of the old person looking back at me. Or, when I look at old photos from 20 or 30 years ago, all I can do is smile. However, balancing our sense of loss with positive factors, we can stay healthy and continue to reinvent ourselves as we pass through landmark ages of 60, 70, 80, and beyond, if we are adventuresome enough.
Learning to adapt to change is essential. Healthy aging also means finding new things you enjoy, staying physically and socially active, and feeling connected to our community of friends and loved ones. When chatting with many friends, aging also brings anxiety and fear. Some of the concerns expressed include:
How will I take care of myself late in life?
Can I survive if I lose my partner or spouse?
Will I end up in a wheelchair or using a walker?
Will I be alone during my old age?
Dementia - Will I lose my memory?
Many of these fears stem from popular misconceptions about ageing. But the truth is that we are stronger and more resilient than is realised. As a young boy, my mother taught me and my siblings not to fear death or getting older. Instead, she emphasised the fun that could be had as we all get older. As children, one of our many daily tasks was to spend time with elderly people asking them questions about their lives, helping them anyway possible, making them laugh until tears would run down their legs, and of course enjoying their delicious food and desserts. At such a young age it brought joy and happiness into my life.
Today, I still chat with older people that I see in my community and make them smile. A few weeks ago, my partner and I were rushing to take care of some banking business. On the way, we stopped at an intersection to cross the street. Without thinking I said hello to an elderly woman with a cane and we started chatting and laughing. She smiled and looked at me and said, "Young man, would you mind if I hold your arm while crossing the street so that I won't fall down?" I said of course, it would be an honour. To be honest, I may have been older than her. One of my favourite things to do is to show kindness to others without expecting anything in return. Oh yeah, another one of the things my mother beat into each of us. Even as an old man today, I can't stop chatting with strangers any and everywhere I go.
Keeping a positive attitude is a key ingredient for the recipe of ageing gracefully. Today, I collected many intimate thoughts from friends on the topic of ageing. Here are a few of those pearls of wisdom and they have helped me a lot:
"Ageing is a case of do or die. My advice is to make the most of life and do the things you may fear. My motto on ageing is to get cracking". - L
"I have always felt that I appreciate those I loved, but as I have grown older, I have realised just how much the love they shared has helped me thus far. Aging gracefully is about the journey, not the destination. The more we are, we will find our true village." - J
"Disappointment. The first thing I thought about was the word disappointment. I am disappointed with how my body turned out getting older. My body is wearing out.  It seems life has disappointments, and one disappointment is replaced by another. I believe in the acceptance of life’s vagaries. That's my answer on how I cope, which translates to attempting to age gracefully." - G
"Ageing sucks and then you die. People stop listening to you after you turn 50 years old, and somehow you become invisible to others who are younger. Naps are a good thing. It's a good time to invest in expensive anti-wrinkle skin creams. Being older, you no longer care as much about what others think or say about you. Being older, you know what makes you happy or not, so you hopefully have the time and resources to act on that knowledge and experience. As long as you have your health and a good attitude, all is well and good. It's time to stop and smell the roses. The mind is the reality." - D
"Aging really sucks! Well, the body aches and slower recovery times for injuries is a pain - LITERALLY. Also seeing some of your friends/family members getting ill and some passing away is difficult. Seeing loved ones like my in-laws begin to have dementia and lose their memory is so sad. It's challenging knowing that one day we will need to take care of our older relatives and make sure we will be ready to take on that stage of life. Having to worry about retirement and planning for what you need to live comfortably is also a little stressful." - C
"Having clarity about life and not worrying about the small things that would upset you like when you are younger is a plus. You realize that some things are not that important or significant to dwell on. Another thing that I appreciate is knowing who my friends are and being a little more guarded with my time. At this stage in life, there are those ride and die friends that you can count on to be there and that you really love them and rarely have time to see because life gets so busy. However, these are the friends I need to make time for and continue to make memories with. I used to want to spend time in groups and hanging out with lots of people, but I am more selective now. I want to spend time with true friends that I can talk with about anything and have meaningful conversations with and/or just laugh or do nothing. They just get me." - C
"Ageing sucks, but I don't really know why. My health and head are both okay. So why? Society expectations can play a major role on how we think. Second, I am still about 30 years old in my head. Third, I would not go back and do it again. Often, I find an unresolved conflict that lingers day in and day out that I am unable to resolve. However, I am delighted to carry on and enjoy each and every day to the fullest." - G
"Aging gracefully means you’ve gained wisdom over the years, your brain does not keep you in check, but your body speaks loud and clear". - B
"In growing older I realise I am still a work in progress. I possess wisdom that was present in my youth. However, I now trust my instincts more. I look back and appreciate people who have impacted my life. I no longer need affirmations or acceptance outside of myself." - D
"Aging is inevitable, so brace yourself because it’s entering new territory. When I turned thirty years old, my nine-year-old daughter said I was old. That sounded so funny to me because no one had ever called me old, and more importantly, I didn’t feel old. At that time, old to me was someone in their mid-70’s and 80’s. Little did I know that people would be living well into their 90’s and even 100’s. I will be 70 in two years. I’m embracing aging by making significant changes to my lifestyle. Healthier eating, regular exercise, sleeping well, and keeping stress at bay. A beautiful thing about aging is the life experiences that help us make smart decisions and gain wisdom and empathy. I don’t equate aging with my age but with my state of mind. I believe you are as young as you feel. Having a sense of humor, being adaptable, embracing change, maintaining social relationships, staying optimistic, and having a desire to live a quality life are key elements to keep you going. However, life has little reminders that, at some point, you will exit this existence. So, be grateful for each day that you get and live your life to the fullest."
I am grateful to be surrounded by so many true friends. The comments shared are from the heart and each of them had a major impact on my life today in helping me to start gracefully ageing every day. The primary lesson in life for me has been learning to enjoy every waking moment to the fullest. Now, I do everything that I desire. If I fail at something, I erase it and start all over again. It's a great experience to learn from our mistakes in life, correct them, and move forward successfully. The best part about aging gracefully is being able to smell bullshit as soon as someone opens their mouth. It's a time when I don't care what people think of me or say about me because my opinion of myself takes priority. One of my favourite songs written by James Taylor is the Secret of Life, the lyrics are on point when it says,"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
