Do you remember your best childhood friends? I can never forget them because they were all a part of my intimate family that I considered brothers and sisters. Many of them are the best memories of growing up that I still cherish today. I often wonder how they disappeared from my life.
Tonight, I had the incredible experience of viewing a film called Close released in 2022. Close is a coming-of-age drama film directed by Lukas Dhont, and written by Dhont and Angelo Tijssens, reteaming after their first feature film Girl(2018). The film stars Eden Dambrine, Gustav de Waele, Émilie Dequenne and Léa Drucker. It follows two teenage boys whose close friendship is thrown into disarray when their schoolmates notice their intimacy, causing a rift between them. Close premiered at the Cannes Film Festival on 26 May 2022 to critical acclaim and won the Grand Prix, specialized critics praised the performances.
The film reminded me of the innocence of my childhood friends. We all truly loved each other and would have done anything to protect the other. My friends were girls and boys, and we could never stop laughing, teasing each other, hugging, and having slumber parties weekly. Around the age of 12 my friends started to change because of the negative talk at school and in our neighbourhood. None of us understood why we were being talked about but many of my friends started to pull away, which was extremely painful. Today, I would call it bullying. None of our parents understood what we were dealing with daily, and we didn't know how to share it with them. But even today, when I think of them, the thoughts and sweet memories still make me smile. There was never an hour, day, week, or month that we weren't glued together. If only I would have known how special, they were to me.
I can still remember each of their names, even when I can't remember where I placed my car or house keys most of the time. When I close my eyes, I can clearly see their smiling faces as we played outside all day, chasing each other, or when sitting in school pretending to be paying attention to our teacher. Their parents were also like my parents, always sharing love through the many delicious meals. There was Sunny who ended up being a football player throughout school. He also taught us how to protect ourselves and throw a good punch. When all else failed he trained us to fight dirty. Throughout school, he was also my protector.
There was another friend called Bugsy because he had big eyes and stuttered a bit. He had black curly hair and a great face. He always told us funny jokes that would make us laugh until tears rolled down our legs. He played baseball throughout school and was very good. He also looked out for me as we did for each other.
Also, there was Ronald T who was gorgeous, polite, and well mannered. The local shop keepers and the cafeteria staff loved him, so he would charm them and get us extra fried chicken or desserts. He wasn't very book wise, but we all helped him to study and pass his exams.
There was Ernest, a good friend but others teased him because as a young boy he was caught in a fire at his home. His face, neck, hands, and arms were completely burned, but none of us noticed it until the other students started making fun of him and spreading rumours that we were all sleeping with him.
And then there was Kathy who kicked asses and punched bullies in the face every day. The boys who wanted to sleep with her called her a dyke, but we didn't know the meaning of the word. Usually if anyone gave Kathy an odd look, she would end up in the Principal's office for punching them in the face. Weekly we would all sleep together, watch movies, dance, eat, practice fighting, and tease each other.
I was too small to play football, baseball, volleyball or run track. My friends kept trying to get me involved. Instead, I became the mascot the the teams which was a purple tiger. I would dance around with the cheerleaders, turn flips, and hassle everyone. I kept thinking, one of these days I will grow to be 6 feet like my dad. It never happened.
As we approached the age 13 something started to change within our friendship. Many of our classmates, especially those that were less intelligent started making fun of us or becoming bullies and calling us names like freaks, dykes, or sissies because we did everything together. When reported to our teachers and school principal they would laugh and do nothing about it. None of us understood any of it, but we started to pull away from each other during the day when others were watching us. Girls would ask, don't you like girls or do you prefer boys? Boys would ask if we all had sex together, but we didn't know what it meant to have sexual desires. We just wanted to play and have a good time with each other.
We didn't know how to ask our parents for help. Everything started to change, at least during our time together at school. At night time, we would always meet up at one of our houses to have popcorn and lemonade. It was the only time during the day that we could be ourselves and fall asleep on the floor watching television.
As the bullying became worse, we started avoiding each other most of the time so that no one would say anything negative about any of us. Sunny was the first to pull away so that he could be accepted by the other athletes. Before Bugsy had a chance to pull away, his parents moved to a different part of town. After a few phone calls in the beginning, we lost touch and never saw each other again. Ronald T's parents also moved to a different city, very far away. I lost all contact with Ernest. He was one of the smartest ones in our group. To this day, I regret losing contact with him. And then there was Kathy the fighter. To everyone's surprise, we stayed friends through our adulthood. She passed away about 20 years ago. Her sister called to alert me. By the way, she was still punching and knocking people out that tried to betray or lie to her.
Although so many years have passed, I still see children and some adults dealing with the after-effects of bullies, liars, and racists. When I worked on a media campaign in Washington, DC to help teens stand up to negative pressures, or influences. The more aware you are of the influences around you, the better prepared you will be to face them, including the pressure to have sex, use drugs and alcohol. The overall goal was to help teens make their best decisions. During my time working on this project, many teens committed suicide because of pressure or bullying from other teens or family members.
There are so many ways that children and adults tease or bully others. Many people consider it just having fun, but at someone else's expense. There are many ways to do this. Bullying can be direct attacks like punching, shoving, or hitting; but it can also include malicious teasing, name-calling, sending threatening IMs or texts; or taunting someone online, stealing, or damaging their belongings. It can also include spreading rumours or encouraging others to exclude someone.
The great film, Close, reminded me to be aware of what's happening around me, whether it affects me or not. Young people are more aware and smarter than I was at their age, but many of them are still victims of abuse, be it verbal or physical. Open and honest communication is a great partnership between our children, friends, and family members.
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