Most of us have all experienced the loss of something that's very dear and precious to us and eventually we all figure out a way to work through it and survive. There are many types of losses that can have a major impact on our lives. Immediately our minds may take us to the death of a loved one, but there are losses that can affect each of us very differently. Any situation, such as losing a job that we loved or even a bracelet or earring that had a special meaning could be a temporary loss too.
In the past week, two people were removed from my life. It never seems to matter how ill a person is or was, it still can be a shock to one's system. When I worked for the American Heart Association in San Francisco, many, many moons ago I became close to my boss who was hard on me and also wonderful to me and taught me a lot about my role as the Communications Director. I haven't worked there in what seems like 100 years, but we always enjoyed lunch meetings over the years with one other colleague that also worked there. Every time we got together it was non-stop laughter, talking and eating of good food. For many years, my old boss had kidney problems and received treatment. He even tried to receive a transplant, but it never stopped the fun that the three of us had together. My friend in crime was Kelly who taught me the meaning of true friendship. As our old boss kept getting sicker, he made a point of not letting us see any pain at all. Our last meeting was probably a struggle but there was more laughter than ever before and of course, good food. He recently passed away due to complications from a kidney transplant. It felt like I had been hit over the head with a brick to hear the news. I had to remind myself that it wasn't about me and that he was probably at peace. I just wanted to see him again so that I could laugh a lot more at his sense of humour and of course for the three of us to eat more delicious Chinese food that we all loved.
The same week I found out that one of my angels without wings now has wings. Prior to leaving San Francisco for Australia, my car was smashed 3 or 4 different times while it was parked and I was devastated each time I would come out to see my little car banged up. Each time it felt like a personal attack although I know that it was only a distraction from the work that I needed to get done to relocate. My angel and his son own an Auto Repair shop that repaired my car each time. It's called Tony's Collision Center. On my initial visit, I was greeted by Tony, the Father who treated me as a son. I have never been teased so much in my life and made to laugh non-stop. He loved my little Mazda Miata because he had one years ago and always offered to buy mine for $1, which made me laugh even more. Although I had only met him, I loved him like a father or a dear friend. I immediately knew that he was another one of my guardian angels watching out for me. I reached out to his son and received the news that Tony had passed away a few months ago. I could feel the sadness in his son's written message to me and I started to cry. Now I can only smile and think about how fortunate I am to have met such an amazing and magnetic person who said that I was a genuine and generous person.
Other losses of pets can be just as impactful on a person's life. It's difficult to explain to someone who has never had a cat, dog, hamster, kangaroo or even a gold fish, but they become a part of your family and you love them unconditionally and miss them too. My cat, Mikey, and nope I didn't name him, was with me for many years. We would argue and fight like an old husband and wife and then end up cuddling with each other. When I moved to Paris, I gave Mikey to one of my best friends because he is a cat lover. Upon my return from France, Mikey had been given to my present partner and my friend had moved to Colorado. Upon my return, Mikey and I looked at each other with the same facial expression of WTF are you doing here. It still makes me laugh today. We got along better with less fights. When my little tough cat was gone, I really missed him, even today I miss him sleeping on my feet and legs and keeping them warm.
Sometimes loss can be a good thing. Prior to moving to Australia, I was fooled by someone that I thought was a friend. Friend is not a word that I use or call a lot of people. This friend fooled me and reminded me of a lesson that I had obviously forgotten. Quite often, lessons are even better the second time around to remind you of what signs to look out for because deceitful liars come in all colours, shapes, genders, religions and sizes. In this case, I raise a glass of champagne to this loss and let go of all evil thoughts I had for many months of death for this person. Today, I am grateful for the lesson learnt and for the loss of negativity in my life. The angry thoughts or feelings don't exist anymore. Some losses can be good ones that can make you stronger, wiser and provide more visual clarity. My mindfulness practice has been a tremendous help in my focus on reality and all interactions with others.
In many conversations with friends, I often hear their grief when they share information about a spouse or a partner that have been horrible people or play the role of a narcissist. You can see the pain on their faces as they struggle looking at themselves as if they are the problem. True friends listen attentively to every word but at some point, you must ask if they would like any suggestions or recommendations. If the answer is yes, this is when I try to help my friends to take a closer look at the situation and realise that they are not the problem and the loss of a bad relationship may be painful initially, but it can also be an opportunity for a new start on a better life. Most of the time, they all look surprised because they usually blame themselves, and then, all of a sudden, the light bulb goes on and a big smile on their face sometimes scare me. That's always the beginning of change.
When I was a little boy my mother use to talk about the loss of people and how it was a part of life. As a child I use to wonder what she was talking about and what lesson was she trying to teach me. She taught me to never be afraid of death or of dying. Over the years I have had time to better understand her message to me. Her message is now loud and clear. I can almost hear her voice saying to me, little muttonhead, choose everything wisely, including your friends because they become your family. She added, there is nothing more important than true friends, when you are together, never leave any of them behind, you come together, you leave together. The best thing she ever said to me was, "Live your life to the fullest and never have any regrets". If she was around today, she would be smiling, maybe laughing and pushing me to do more so I can learn more lessons in life. Have you experienced a loss that you feel comfortable sharing?
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