There is nothing as wonderful as having a deep conversation with the most important person in your life, yourself. When I was young, I would often expect staff in white jackets to burst into my room and drag me out in a straight jacket to a facility with padded walls. To my surprise it never happened. One day, I realised that many people have conversations with themselves, maybe not orally, but silently conversing in their heads. I do that a lot too. What I enjoy the most about COVID and being able to wear masks is that I can talk to myself about all types of issues. When reading a novel, often I will pause and say, "Now why the hell did he do something so ridiculous or what did she mean by that".
Growing up, I often had deep conversations about things that my parents had taught me as a boy. It was an opportunity to question those beliefs in private with me, myself and I. Often I would scribble the pros and cons of those beliefs and make a decision on how I would proceed in ways that would benefit me. It allowed me to create my own beliefs for my life, instead of living the beliefs of someone else.
There were many areas that I questioned, although we have all been taught not to do so. Early on, one of the deepest conversations had with myself was about religion. I struggled to understand what it all meant; all this talk about good and evil and believing in something that didn't seem to exist, at least not in my life. I never saw this person called God or Jesus and I never saw the dark, gloomy character called Satan or his nick name, the Devil. I questioned everything as a boy and was usually punished for asking too many questions. At the ripe age of 21, I started to seek and research information. To help me to figure things out, I joined several religions to get a better understanding why people believed whatever they were told, but wouldn't believe what the weather man said about an 80% chance of rain being a part of the forecast. The type of religions that I chose to get involved in were Methodist, Baptist, Presbyterian, Catholic, Seventh Day Adventist and Buddhism. To my surprise, Buddhism was my favourite. Buddhism is a path of practice and spiritual development leading to insight into the true nature of reality. Those practices, like mindful meditation helped me to understand the ability to change myself in order to develop the qualities of awareness, kindness and wisdom. Today, I am not attached to any one religion, but chose the best of each of them to create my focus.
Politics was another deep conversation that I had with myself throughout many decades of my life. My parents always voted Democrat in America, because it was the party assumed to support people of colour, poor or disadvantaged people and those struggling to survive. Republicans were known to be against all of those things. My communication with self led me to question both political parties. What I discovered was that neither party would be one of choice. I learned that both parties were more similar than they were different and that people of colour or those from disadvantaged communities would not be helped or supported by either party, at least not in the way that was and is needed, even today. The choice came down to one basic deciding point, which party would do less harm for my existence. It's still a question that I ponder, even living in Australia. Today, I understand why it's so difficult to find good politicians that truly care for the people, instead of stuffing their own pockets with money and hiring friends, family members and colleagues that will support their agenda.
Another dialogue that always gets me, myself and I tense is the topic of hatred and racism. Unlike during my youth, I no longer try to find the logic of why people hate others because of the colour of their skin without even knowing anything about their culture. The stupidity of it all just makes me laugh now, unless they get in my face with their inaccurate beliefs.
Aging is a topic that I love talking to myself about. As a boy, one of my daily tasks was to spend time with the elders or older people living in my community. They all served as our grandparents, uncles or aunties. Every day, I would practice my reading skills by reading the newspaper to them, being corrected all the way through each article. When I think of them, even today, I have fond memories of their humour and can still smell the aroma of freshly baked carrot cakes or peach cobblers. With myself, I discuss the meaning of ageing and understand the differences then and now. As a youngster, older people lived life to the fullest, enjoying every moment. Many of them taught me to eat well on pennies and how to prepare food that was considered food for the poor. That food is now on the menus of many top-notched restaurants around the world. Today, me, myself and I discuss all the things we dislike about ageing and what we can do to enjoy and accept it more. I look at myself in the mirror and tell the chunky old man starring at me that he must exercise more and lose weight or we have intense conversations about selecting dates for a face lift and a tummy tuck in order to look 40 years old. Then we both laugh at how ridiculous we sound before moving on to just enjoying life and enjoying another slice of quesadilla accompanied by a delicious espresso martini.
And finally, I love being able to listen to both sides of a discussion without any judgment and being able to change my mind in what I may think or believe. I often notice that when people argue or have heated discussions about a certain topic, no one is hearing the words of the other person. Therefore nothing is solved at all. Time has taught me the value of being able to actively listen to others sharing their ideas and opinion. It helps me to better understand the issue It works like a two-way street. Agreeing is not as important as being able to listen and get a new perspective on an issue. Often I have been surprised at what was learned when not yelling and talking over another person.
I love my deep conversations with myself. The truth is that we don't always agree with one another, but sooner or later we do reach an agreement. Besides, I can't think of anyone who understands me better than me, myself and I.
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