Remember when you were 17 and you thought anyone over the age of 30 was equivalent to a dinosaur? I use to wonder how they were able to get out of bed and walk around like normal people. At 30 years old my goal was to party as hard as possible since the end was expected. Today I laugh at my ridiculous thoughts about ageism and have learned to enjoy the finer things of life and the art of sharing.
In our society, we don't usually think of aging as a fun time, but there are many individuals maturing gracefully and having lots of fun. For 10+ years I worked with people between the ages of 45 and 85 to introduce them to a new way to think about aging in style. Initially most participants that came to the reimagining life workshops were nervous, apprehensive, distrusting, and timid. I still feel the excitement in my stomach just thinking about each of the workshops conducted week after week. Every training session was completely different although the material remained the same. Many years ago, working as a Training Facilitator, I learned the key to being a successful presenter was learning the material well. A colleague shared something with me that I never forgot. She said, "Darling, Amateurs practice until they get it right, Professionals practice until it can't go wrong." Immediately, I understood the difference. Each training was different because the people were different every single time. The most important part of conducting a training was to be an active listener and hear what your audience is saying to you.
Every single session was full of laughter, games and taking a closer look at their lives today and where they wanted to take their lives tomorrow. We spent a lot of time visually, verbally and physically writing the next chapter of our lives. Today I realize that after working with vivacious people who were getting older prepared me for accepting my own aging process and thoroughly learning to enjoy it. I can still see the frightened faces that walked into the room at 10A and the confident individuals that left smiling, laughing and talking to their new best friends.
The goal of learning to age gracefully was to inspire everyone to dream again, plan for the next chapter, achieve those dreams and hit the repeat button. Nothing is set in stone and it's never too late to change directions or make changes if something is not going the way you want it to go. One of my key questions that everyone had to answer was, what would you try today if you couldn't fail at it? The list of ideas went on forever, or so it seemed. The thinking caps always go on when I inquired what they wanted to be remembered for. These are all the questions that I ask myself now as I am preparing for a new chapter and a new life.
Many people, young and old probably believe that getting older is the worse thing in the world. I truly believe that it doesn't have to be if you are willing to make a difference and venture down a different laneway. When asked about getting older most people talk about changes in their looks, grey hair or losing their hair, gaining too much weight, feeling isolated, or share stories about their arthritic pains. For me, getting older has been the best thing in the world. You are probably thinking, why? For me, the best things about getting older include:
• Becoming acquainted with the body that I am living in today.
• Knowing someone is an asshole before they even speak.
• Having true friends who are always with you, regardless of where they are in the world.
• Learning so many new things every single day about life.
• No longer wasting time dealing with things that you can't control.
• Not caring if I am liked or disliked, it's simply not my issue & never should have been.
• Accepting who I am and not trying to change myself for anyone who doesn't matter.
• Being around people who love to laugh, drink, watch movies and listen to music.
• Sharing my life lessons and skills with people who truly deserve and desire them.
• Time to enjoy life reading, meditating, exercising, good food & enjoying the present.
Old age in today's society is nothing more than a fairy tale that many of us make up to fool ourselves. We have been told that once you reach a certain age it's a time to retire, relax, rest and ride off into the sunset and let the young people have their time at screwing up the world since they don't want any suggestions from anyone not a part of their generation. For some reason it seems more appropriate to make mistakes rather than ask for help. When I was younger, it was thought that older people, at that time 35 years old, would just disappear quietly. Sitting in isolation and doing nothing is not the answer to survival. Today, we are living in a world that provides the opportunity to get involved in life and have fun with others. Bingo, for example, is no longer the Bingo that my Mother use to play at the community center. Now that all ages are in attendance, the stakes are high and the young people are learning from older people. Even I can't keep up with them and using 5 to 6 bingo cards at a time. Group exercise is another way to keep the body moving to the beat. Exercise is also considered the wonder drug for everyone, young or old. Dancing and shaking a leg to the beat never gets old and we should never remove it from our list of things that we love doing. Taking walks and socialising is also a great activity.
Lessons that I taught others are now being used to rearrange my mind, body and soul. It may sound insane to others, but I have created a road map to guide me on my journey of life reimagining. I have created the following sign posts to guide me:
• Mirror: Taking a closer look at my present situation and the opportunities available.
• Bridge: An opportunity for connecting, identifying, and engaging with others.
• Probe: Exploring the future with an open mind and lots of curiosity.
• Adopt: Being confident enough to make necessary changes to age gracefully.
• Reset: Focusing on what is needed and what I don't need in moving forward.
• Action: Taking steps to start my new chapter. Be willing to adjust & edit as needed.
Thanks to COVID-19 and shelter in place, there are many creative ways to be involved in the world. For example, you can enjoy a fabulous concert of jazz or classical music from your living room by using your headphones. One can take a museum tour, walk the streets of Paris or climb to the top of Machu Picchu. It's also a great time to stay in touch with old friends and family via Zoom or other video chat programs. Every fortnight I have been scheduling or been invited to cocktail and tea parties with friends all over the world, filling the room with loud bursts of laughter.
My message today is to look forward to aging gracefully and in style. Take on the great attitude of Dame Judi Dench who is on the cover of British Vogue, Dame Maggie Smith, and Dame Helen Mirren who all strive to enjoy life.
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