Expectations

I find it so amusing when I leave my desk to get something from another room and forget what I wanted, or looking for my reading glasses when they are on top of my forehead. But I can remember all the lessons my mother taught us as very young children. One of her valuable lessons was on the topic of "Expectations" and to keep them high. As youngsters we were constantly reminded that we could become anything we desired and that we must study twice or thrice as hard as other students with white skin. I didn't understand at the time, but as I grew up the message was crystal clear. Over the years I have had high expectations in selecting positions in the workforce, dining at certain restaurants, finding true friends, or volunteering with the best agency. I always thought everyone had the same expectations that were taught to me, but some say that my expectations are too high or unfair for most people or situations. Although I must admit that I had zero expectations that President Trump would do anything to create greatness in any form or fashion.

While high expectations drive success and growth, they can sometimes lead to disappointment or strain relationships when applied to others. From the beginning, I have always pushed myself to achieve my goals, although many of them were unreasonable. One of my goals was to attend medical school and become a doctor working to keep children well. In high school I worked a lot to stay on the honour roll so I could apply to university or college. Reality slapped me hard in the face when a Student Counsellor tried to convince me to learn a trade like plumbing, roofing, or to become a bank teller. I inquired if she told the white students the same thing and she looked shocked, then annoyed by my question. That was the moment I realised that many doors would be shut in my face due to the colour of my skin. I wanted to give up, but I continued to fight and brought my expectations into reality.

Here are a few Pros and Cons of High Expectations:

Pros

• Motivation to Succeed: High expectations can push you to work harder and achieve more. Athletes, entrepreneurs, or artists often credit their achievements to holding themselves to high standards.

  
  

• Self-Worth and Growth: Expecting the best from yourself fosters confidence, resilience, and a sense of accomplishment.

• Encourages Excellence in Others: When you set high expectations for others, it can inspire them to rise to the occasion.

Cons

• Risk of Perfectionism: Unrealistically high expectations can lead to stress, burnout, depression, or feeling 'never good enough'. Life lessons have taught me that constantly chasing perfection may overshadow the joy of small wins. I never realised that wins came in large or small packages.

• Disappointment and Frustration: Holding others to your standards can result in frequent letdowns, especially if they don't share your perspective or high expectations.

• Strained Relationships: Expecting too much from others, even family members may make them feel judged, inadequate, or unappreciated. An honest conversation or discussion would be very helpful for both sides.

Many of my colleagues have shared that all pressures can be reduced by having low expectations which can decrease stress and make life feel less overwhelming. Apparently if you have no expectations of others or yourself, you may be pleasantly surprised when things go better than expected. Expecting less means you are not likely to feel let down by others. I am having a difficult time lowering the expectations of my journey in life. Being an honest person, I often tell people about my expectations through open conversations so decisions can be made to move forward.

Lack of motivation can lead to low expectations. This might prevent personal growth or discourage others from trying harder. When one's expectations are low, many opportunities could be missed. Settling for less can keep you from reaching your full potential or experiencing life's richness. Over time, low expectations can normalise mediocrity or complacency.

One of the things I love about life is learning as much as possible about myself and the world. The past few years have taught me to differentiate between expectations for myself and for others. Often, they are rarely the same. It's essential to understand that people come from varied backgrounds, abilities, and priorities. The most challenging lesson for me is identifying when the voice in my head gives me judgmental thoughts about others. As an exercise, I walk around during the day and often nights and correct my mindset when seeing certain people. Even when people stare at me, I cancel any judgmental thoughts in my head. I once thought people hated me if they looked at me with a question mark expression. A friend told me that people stare at me because I look different than almost everyone in my new surroundings. That helped me to relax a bit more. Now, instead of assuming people are not meeting my standards, I try to understand their perspective. If someone fails to deliver, consider whether they lack resources, understanding, or motivation.

Slowly, I am learning to focus more on effort over outcome. My drive is to recognise progress, even if it doesn't meet my goal. Encouraging effort can inspire people, or myself, without feeling overwhelmed. Honest and open conversations can be an asset. We must set expectations collaboratively, especially in relationships or work settings. This ensures clarity and helps to avoid misunderstandings. With all the ups and downs that we face every day, month, or year, it tells us that life is unpredictable for many people. We must adapt our expectations to changing circumstances, both for yourself and others.

I am still on the path of finding my approach to expectations. While it's important to hold yourself to high standards, expecting others to do the same might not always be fair or realistic. Striking a balance between striving for excellence and embracing flexibility allows us to grow while building healthier relationships.

My journey has been filled with many expectations, some good and others not so much. Whenever I want to give up, I can still hear my mother's voice or feel her hand on my back or head pushing me to do what I believe to be right. It's key to keep an open mind and to surround yourself with the best people that you trust and count on to help you make hard choices. When I think back over the past sixty years I can't stop smiling when I think of what was achieved in my life. Some of the lessons were difficult and kicked my butt repeatedly, but I didn't give up and returned to the drawing board to reconfigure another plan. Being able to aim high has helped me to reach my fullest potential. Working in Washington, DC for the White House must be the dream of many, but it wasn't my dream. I was happy in San Francisco, but a wonderful friend, a true 'Gem' wouldn't stop pushing and pulling me. To this day, I am thrilled that it happened. All the lessons learned in DC changed my vision of myself and the world. It taught me how to deal with whatever life throws my way.

When I worked in broadcast media, my boss, whom I will always remember, Dr. Julia Hare had the highest expectation for me to succeed. At the time I had no goals to achieve the items on her list. She never let up and like my mother, she kept her hand and foot on my back pushing me to see the light and developing a desire to set and reach my goals. So many great leaders have made an impression on me through their belief in me.

Today, in 2025, I have grown in balancing expectations for myself versus others. I have learned that people have different strengths, motivations, and priorities. It doesn't mean they are less capable or caring, it just means they approach life differently. I am striving to soften my expectations of others which may lead to more authentic connections and release unnecessary frustrations. This is my work in progress. It's not always easy to dial back my expectations. I am wired to aim high, and I am proud of that, but I am learning to celebrate progress, not perfection in others or myself. It's a very interesting journey, and I am still walking it. High expectations are a double-edged sword that can propel us toward greatness but also can weigh us down when applied too rigidly. I have come to see expectations as a tool, not a rule. When used wisely, they can inspire us and others. When used recklessly, they can limit us. The real magic lies in knowing when to hold on and when to let go.