From the day we were born, the cycle of life lessons began for each of us. Regardless of our gender, color of our skin, our religion or nationality we all experience the lessons of life. Some of us refuse to accept or learn the lessons presented, so many of us have to repeat them over and over again.
As I go through many changes in my life, some good and some not so good, I am now transitioning to who I want to be, who I am and where I want to be in this life.
As I travel around the world in a new decade, 2020, I am actively listening and observing everything without judgment so I can continue experiencing incredible life lessons. Each week, I will share one lesson learned throughout my adventures.
One day in fall of 2019, my nephew asked me a very serious question. He said, "Unc, how can you tell if someone is a real friend or just pretending to be?" I tried to give him a funny answer to delay my response, but it didn't work. I needed time to think about the question a bit more. Being a person with lots of friends, it pushed me into evaluating my friendships and if they were truly authentic or not. I discovered that often, a major change needs to occur to clear the path of finding the truth. A very special friend and colleague told me that once a person decides to implement a major change in their life they should really be prepared because life does not use a lubricant when the action begins. She added, "The things in life that mean the most to you are the things that jeopardise your focus." She advised acknowledging each distraction and returning to the focus as soon as possible. I wasn't sure what she meant but soon, I became aware.
It started with selling my loft in San Francisco and feeling delightful that it sold in 1 to 2 weeks tops. I was beaming until I realised I could not find a place to live for 3 months. There was nothing available under $5,000 for tacky places. I also discovered that the color of my skin made a difference on how candidates were selected. Needless to say I was not selected but I didn't give up until life punched me in the face. Feeling close to the edge, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to handle my emotional state. The lessons started immediately and proceeded like an accelerated class. Over the year I had served as a bank to many friends that needed money and promised to pay it back so I called them to see if they could help during these challenging times. Always the same answer, I can't at this time, but can you find it in your heart to lend me some money, I am short on my rent this month. This time around, I passed the test and didn't have to repeat the lesson. Feeling absolutely no emotion during this period I began calling people out and holding them to their promises. Not one of those so called friends came through as promised so I moved into my backup plan of elimination. One by one I started to delete each fake friend with a clear, in person explanation of why they were dead to me. Although I was now considered the bad guy, each lesson made me stronger and stronger. When I was a boy, my mother once said to me, "When a fake friend borrows money with no desire to repay it, learn the lesson and understand that you have paid off your debt and it's worth it to be rid of them". At the time I had no idea what she meant, but I could hear her whispering in my ear daily. I lost count of the number of fake friends were clinging to me and as they were exiled from my existence, I started to feel lighter and able to proceed.
The true friends, who never asked for anything were still standing, waiting to be noticed and waiting to help me. Since that time, not a day passes that I don't celebrate the true love and comfort they provided to me that helped me to transition successfully. When I think of their greatness, tears always fill my eyes, tears of joy. The experience helped me to provide my nephew, finally, with an answer of what a true friend is to me. A true friend is a friend when it's convenient and when it's not. A true friend stands by you consistently both when you are present and when you are not. They are authentic and honest with you. True friends are not fake with you and they are certainly not a backstabber. They show you who they really are all the time. I learned that true friends always tell you the truth, even if it hurts. One of them that I love so much said jokingly, "True friends stab you in the forehead and drive you to the emergency room to be treated and never leave your side, then take you home to nurse you back to health and make you laugh. Fake friends stab you in the back and gossip about you while pretending to be loyal to your face."
The lesson was well received by my nephew and I was able to pass this lesson and will never repeat it. Regardless where I am in the world, my true friends are still there making me laugh, making fun of me, cussing with me and always loving me. They know who they are and we know that we would do anything to protect each other.
Choose your friends wisely.
Comments