The correct response that we have learned is, "Who's there."
Have you ever felt excited about working on a new project, following up on a dream, or taking a different path or route when suddenly a voice whispers or yells in the ear to your brain that it's a mistake and you could never accomplish your goal? Most people actually listen to that voice and immediately stop what they are doing and start killing their dreams.
Just this week, a friend reached out to me excited about creating a new business. They have done all the planning and preparation. and the only thing to do is to push the green button for go. However, little annoying voices always jump in to tell you that it wants to protect you from being a failure or making a costly mistake. The voice is powerful enough to convince us that we should be content with our lives the way they are right now. Many of us freeze in our steps towards success, and agree to pause, or place those great ideas on a high shelf out of reach.
This voice has a name and it's called fear. Year after year I watch some of the most talented people who have the potential to be very successful hide behind the iron curtain of fear because they believe they have no real talent, like the voice convinces us from time to time. Many I have watched grow old, holding hands with fear, facing regrets right to the end of their lives.
Fear starts in the part of the brain called the amygdala. According to Smithsonian Magazine, “A threat stimulus, such as the sight of a predator, triggers a fear response in the amygdala, which activates areas involved in preparation for motor functions involved in fight or flight. This part of the brain is designed to protect us in case of danger. Most of us have been in situations where this part of the brain has pushed the panic button to sound the mental alarm that we may be walking into a dangerous place or area that may be real. Within moments we usually have a plan or an escape route.
As a young boy, my mother and her brothers and sisters taught us kids how to decipher danger when walking into a room with unfamiliar people or in my dangerous neighbourhood. It's something that I often wished that I could share with others. Throughout my entire adult life, those skills helped me to survive in management or board meetings, in restaurants, museums, while walking for exercise, and even riding public transportation. Within seconds of walking into a management meeting or boarding a bus or train, I can recognise unsavoury characters within seconds and deal those feelings without pausing. In the past if it has been an unsatisfactory environment, I have learned to simply remove myself from the space, not because of fear, but to prevent my emotions from being hijacked. It's always best to maintain clarity and a level head.
Do you remember an earlier fear in your life? It's odd how we never forget them, even if we are able to get over them. One of my earlier fears was being afraid of flying on an airplane. The voice in my head kept whispering that once I board a plane and it took off, it would certainly crash and that would be the end of my life. The voice told me to stay home and not to travel unless it was in a car. At the young age of 19, I decided to become an exchange student in a different country, forcing myself to go against the voice that kept screaming louder in my ear. So, I moved to Rome, Italy and guess what, the plane didn't crash. To irritate the voice of fear even more, I accepted a position as a flight attendant with a major airline for several years. It was so much fun. Finally, the voice disappeared and focused on other things to try scaring me with.
Another big fear that I struggled to eliminate sounds ridiculous to me today. I had a fear of the full moon, the big orange moon. The sad part is I never understood why it scared me so much. I was once told that the big, scary orange moon would drop out of the sky and gobble up children that misbehaved. Well, that was me as a kid, always into something that I was told not to do. As I became an adult it still frightened me, but I pretended that it didn't scare me if I didn't look at it. Early in my career of broadcasting in San Francisco, I had to work one night until 11pm. The station was located on Nob Hill. If you are familiar with San Francisco then you will know that's the very top where many of the fabulous hotels reside, and where the cable cars go up and down the hills. The night I left work, the trains and buses weren't working so I walked home to Potrero Hill. As soon as I started walking, I looked up and the gigantic orange moon looking down and smiling at me. I had nowhere to run or hide and very few people were on the streets. Feeling like I wanted to wet my pants as the voice of fear started yelling things in my mind, I stopped and realised the time had come to deal with this feeling of fear that wasn't real. It worked, although I was still a bit shaken, I walked and forced myself to look at the moon since it was in front of me no matter which way I turned.
My lesson in life taught me to identify and recognise fear, and to strip it of its fake powers that backed me into a corner. Fear still pops its ugly head from time to time, but it's not allowed to rent space in my head anymore. There is a no vacancy sign for any fear that tries to prevent me from accomplishing my goals. Even if I fail, it's a matter of hitting the reset button and starting again.
One of the biggest fears that people have is standing up and speaking to an audience of people they don't know. Fear usually kicks in and tells the person they are not good enough to be speaking to a crowd of people Have you ever been in that position or watched someone dealing with the fear? Having difficulty breathing is one of the things that you may see. It also may come with perspiration and sweaty hands, causing the speaker to sound choppy, nervous and a bit off balance. This happens to almost everyone, but one of the secrets to speaking well in front of an audience is to have a prepared message to deliver. Even if it starts off shaky, focusing is key. It helps to have a few bullet points that may help you to stay on target with your message. If you have a great sense of humour, it helps, but if you don't, avoid trying to be funny and just focus on your message. You will be surprised how pissed off fear will be that you succeeded.
Here are a few tips that may help you to work through your fears:
Recognise and identify your fears
Ask yourself why you have this fear
Allow yourself to sit with your fear for 2 to 5 minutes
Remind yourself that your anxiety is a storehouse of wisdom
Write down things you are grateful for
Use humour to deflate your worse fears
Mindful meditation and exercise help more than you may think
Acknowledge and appreciate your courage to proceed, it's not easy
Share your thoughts in conversations with those that you trust
Remember, it's okay to pause, as long as you continue
Just know that we all experience fear on different levels, the key is how with manage or overcome it. According to an older edition of Business Insider, all people fear the following:
Fear of criticism Many people are afraid to live their dreams for fear of what others may think and say about them
Fear of poverty. If I make the wrong decision, will I lose everything?
Fear of old age and death
Fear of failure
Fear of offending others
Fear of looking foolish in front of an audience
Fear of being successful. So many people would prefer to remain mediocre as opposed to allowing their bright light to shine
Instead of thinking about all the ways you may fail, try concentrating on all the ways you may succeed. Today, I look forward to making mistakes, or even failing because it provides me with the chance to reflect, correct, rebuild, and succeed. Every great person has experienced failure, so consider yourself in good company. So go ahead, try, and get rid of that nagging voice of fear trying to stop you from reaching your dreams.
The photo of the door used today is from City Lights Bookstore in San Francisco provided by photographer, Jon Rendell.
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