Are you ever surprised by what life can throw at you, often without warning? As a young boy, just hearing the word surprise would make me jump up and down because something good would always follow. Surprises that I loved included presents, birthday cakes, a new pair of running shoes, an A+ on an exam, or when school or work was cancelled because of a snowstorm or bad weather. Just the thought of them makes me smile today.
As I matured, I became aware of the various types of surprises that life could deliver to your doorstep or on the bedside table. Lessons in life have taught me that those life surprises can be incredibly good or a hard slap in the face. Either way, they are lessons that we must learn and figure out how to deal with each of them, whether good or bad. They are all a part of life.
If you put on your thinking cap this very moment and close your eyes, what were some of your childhood and adult surprises that made a difference in your life? For a very long time, I looked forward to the surprises that life shared with me and all the valuable lessons. I can remember two surprises. Every day I would create a ritual of asking life to provide me with a baseball bat and a bicycle. I never expected to get either because my family could barely afford to pay rent, electric and gas bills, or put food on the table. One day my older brother came home with a present wrapped in newspaper for me. As I tore the package open, I was delighted to see a baseball bat. Not sure how my brother purchased it, but rumour was that he won it in a game of marbles or shooting dice in the neighbourhood. I just wanted to worship it, hide it under my bed, and walk around with it in case I needed to defend myself. My brother had other plans that included me learning how to play baseball, hit a little white ball, and run from base to base. I didn't have a choice.
After drawing pictures of bikes on paper, or on the sidewalk with coloured chalk for over a year, life gave me a big surprise. One of my favourite aunts who treated me like her own child, surprised me with a 2-wheel bicycle. Again, I was jumping up and down with excitement and so much love for her and the wonderful gift. It wasn't my birthday, so I started questioning her what I needed to do to deserve it. She gave me a big smile and said, little red bean, it's a present from life because you are an honest boy. All I could do was smile. The bike was navy blue with a little red horn.
As I became older, life surprised me by selecting me to attend a great college. The surprises continued when I was selected to do a year of my education abroad in Rome, Italy. Again, I was very excited even though I didn't know where Italy was located. I was very naive. The bad surprise was when I learned I had to get on an airplane for many hours to get to my destination with the other 40 students. I was terrified and tried to return the surprise to life by saying 'no thank you' someone else could take my place. My request didn't work so I pouted for 2 months before adjusting to the beauty of Roma and learning to enjoy delicious Italian food. I had never had Italian food before, and I refused to eat every day. The Italian chefs at the school were puzzled and worried because I wouldn't even try their food. One day they all came out with different types of food and fed me like I was an infant. After several hours, I started to enjoy all the different sauces, lasagne, risotto, pizza, and various types of pasta. They won me over with so many Italian desserts.
After college, I moved to San Francisco and reaped the benefits of many surprises of life. Graduating with a degree in Education, I took a teaching job with the Black Panther school. It was a great job for a young naive young man trying to find himself. The position set the ground rules for being a great teacher and leader. The information and lessons I learned helped me to strategise next steps. Over 30 years later, I am still friends with my co-teacher from those times who taught me so much about being an educator. I am so grateful for her guidance and leadership. From there, life introduced me to an unknown field to me, Broadcasting. I was offered a position at one of the best-known radio stations in San Francisco. I was not interested in broadcasting and was annoyed that life was pushing me in this direction. Although I kept trying to say no, this was not for me, something kept pushing me in that position. My boss at the time was amazing and it was impossible to say no to her. She taught me everything about the field of broadcasting, marketing, public relations, advertising, and promotions. She never gave up on me. I often wished I could see what she saw in me. She even taught me how to dress appropriately and to speak correctly. She said it was an adventure of "Bringing the "Black Boy to Manhood." She (Dr. Julia Hare) and her husband, Dr. Nathan Hare went on to write a book with the same name. One major lesson she planted in my head was how to correctly write news stories, editorials, public service announcements, and develop media campaigns for various products. Skills that I never stopped using because they had an impact on my future career and life.
In the mid-80s, life surprised me when so many of my closest friends became ill and died. It was a time of great confusion. The mass media called it the cancer that only gay people contracted. It was later known as AIDS. As each of my closest friends started to get ill and looked like skeletons, I started to hate this horrible surprise that life had given to the world. After a while, I started to lose track of who was alive or who was dead. For the longest time I would leave messages for them on their phones. It was soothing to hear their voices. I kept waiting for life to stop joking and surprise us with something more positive and happier. It didn't work. Initially, Black people and others of colour were told that none of us would contract AIDS because it was only a white gay man's disease, and they wouldn't want to sleep with someone out of their ethnic background. My anger didn't help. Later we were told that all gay men would be dead in 6 months so go out and have fun, go shopping, travel around the world. At the time it sounded like a plan to escape, but today it sounds ridiculous and unprofessional. I still miss all my true friends from that time. There are days when something will remind me of them, usually something funny, and I can't stop laughing, and sometimes will shed a few tears.
Another surprise of life was allowing me to live in another country. Initially, I was so excited to learn a new language, and culture while enjoying the beauty of Europe. Remember, some surprises come with serious lessons that you must learn. There were many great things about living abroad that changed my life in a positive way, and a few things that outweighed the good at that time. So, life taught me a few more lessons about myself and my goals moving forward.
The best life surprise for me was being invited to work in Washington, DC for the Obama Administration. When the case presented itself, I said, "No, I am not interested," because I thought it was a joke. To my surprise, it was not a joke and life kicked my butt in the direction of DC. The fear of taking on new tasks as a Media Policy Analyst for the White House left me trembling. The negative voices in my head kept telling me that I could never do a good job because I didn't have what was needed. I tried to get out of it, but they wouldn't take NO for an answer. It was the best opportunity to learn so much about how governments work, how to do huge national media/marketing campaigns successfully, how to conduct trainings and advise advertising and PR/Marketing firms hired for the project. It was the best experience ever.
Last year, life surprised me with the illness of my older sister. She had always been a hard worker, focused, and loved having a good time. To all our surprise she started to act oddly and forgot who I was. She was diagnosed with dementia. Once again, I asked life to make it a good surprise, but that's not the way it works. After seeing and helping her, she passed away a year ago. At the time, it didn't feel like a good surprise. Life has taught me to learn from each lesson so that I can better understand it and help others that may be going through a similar situation.
Over the past 5 years, many of my friends, men, and women, have been diagnosed with cancer. Many have survived and some chose to let go. Two months ago, life came to visit me with another surprise. I had planned a trip to Paris to see old friends and enjoy the good food and scenery, but life kept interfering, throwing roadblocks in my way. Eventually, I cancelled my travels to Paris at this time, but not forever. Then out of the blue, life delivered another surprise that made me review the pros and cons. It provided the opportunity for me and my partner to purchase a place to live in a thriving neighbourhood. I prepared myself for being outbid and disappointed, so I developed a strategic plan on next steps and new areas to search. Sometimes life seems to have a sense of humour. We were 1 of 2 bidders and succeeded in winning the bid. I love the new place so much. It brings me so much joy and happiness. Soon after, life paid a visit again with another surprise. As I have gotten older and wiser, the surprises from life don't shock me anymore. I just consider the surprise from life and start planning next steps in my head and on paper, always looking at the pros and cons to help me make the best decisions. My latest surprise was a diagnosis of prostate cancer. So, I am following my rules and doing my homework to capture the best information to use during my decision-making process. So far so good. Many of my friends, young and old have experienced similar health diagnoses and continue to share their thoughts with me.
The key to everything is your attitude. A positive attitude is an asset in unexpected situations. Not all unexpected events are negative. Sometimes, what seems like a problem, or even a disaster, could be a blessing in disguise. A negative event can awaken ambition, motivation, and persistence, which would lead to progress and success. It helps to build a solid foundation of inner strength. A state of inner strength brings stability, and a better control of your mind and actions, so that you can cope with any situation. This you can do by training and strengthening your willpower and self-discipline, two of the main pillars of inner strength.
Now I am waiting and looking forward to the next surprise of life. Good or bad, it's what you learn from each of your life experiences.
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