Life Reimagined

There are many types of transitions in life, from very small ones to the most significant, which bring with it many layers of stress that many of us, for some reason, don't expect. Not often in my life have I even sat still long enough to consider the many transitions that I have twirled through like a ballerina on stage. Many of those changes we chalk up to that's just life. My first transition was being dressed and placed in the care of Mr. Willie, the driver for Ann Taylor Nursery school. Too shocked and scared to cry, I waved goodbye to my Mother and there I went off to my first day of school at the age of 5. Being a rather perceptive little munchkin, I observed everything for the first hour and learned very early to follow the rules and play with the other kids. By the age of 6, being pulled to the local elementary school didn't phase me at all and I skipped along with my big brother, once again waving goodbye cheerfully to my Mother. Today I ask myself how was I able to adjust to constant changes so much and I still don't know the answer. As I prepared to leave home to go off to college, my mother looked rather sad waving at me, but I was excited about a new adventure. University was never part of my plan because of the costs involved but I was fortunate enough to get a partial scholarship. I told everyone that it was financial aid for being charming to make everyone laugh.

Once I grew up and became a young man, adventure was always at the top of my list. My goal was to have a good time and try anything once to see how it felt or tasted. Soon after obtaining a bachelors degree in Education I boarded my magic carpet and moved to the San Francisco Bay Area to take a job with the Black Panther School. No one was more shocked than my young cousin John and I when we discovered that it was not a zoo school for animals but a school for children of the parents of the Black Panther Party and others. The look of fear in my eyes at the thought of teaching right after college frightened me. I couldn't help but think that it would be more fun feeding and playing with real black panthers. Working here was a real introduction into life in America, especially if you have black or brown skin. My schooling came from the the leaders who took me under their arm and taught me how to be a man and how to survive in America. The ones I remember are Huey Newton, Erika Huggins, Bobby Seale, and my team teacher, Jackie Buist. With their support I learned about the Black Panthers and the attacks. I never experienced the feeling of fear or feelings of danger. Being totally naive, when I think back on it now, it was one of the best jobs I ever had and it shaped me into being a great teacher and trainer for my future life. The school and Party dissolved in 1982 after many accusations of being a communist organization and the greatest enemy of the U. S. Government by J. Edgar Hoover, who was the real enemy to the nation. From there I taught in many other schools in the area without feeling the stress of moving.

After many careers and years, I decided that a major adventure was needed to shake things up in my life so I decided to sell everything except my lap top computer and take a jet to Paris, France because I fell in love with love. It was simply amazing but I was unprepared how difficult it would be for a newcomer who didn't speak the language. Bold, but quite unwise on my part. I really wasn't prepared and was stressed out just trying to understand how to survive in another country. Everyday I attended classes at Alliance Française Ile-de France and cried almost everyday as I struggled to understand and speak the language. The experience taught me how to treat people who come to America from other countries and to be respectful and helpful to them. I felt like I was the dumbest person in the world because everyone would talk to me and I would look at them with big terrified eyes and running away with my head down. To survive, my plan was not to make eye contact with anyone, ever. Fat chance of that happening, especially with the French. After 12 to 18 months, I learned as much of the language as I could so that having conversations were easier and I was no longer afraid to get into a taxi, order food or ask for directions. The biggest stress was shopping in the market for vegetables because I just didn't understand the measurements if they were not in pounds. Not willing to give up, I would befriend people in the store or in line with me to help. The transition to Paris taught me so much about how other nationalities are mistreated. The memories that come back to me sometimes frighten me. One day in Paris I walked into a café to order a coffee and the waiter looking in my direction screamed, "Get out, we don't serve your kind." Without question, I grabbed my back pack and proceeded to leave. The waiter grabbed me and said, "Not you, him, we don't like middle easterners". Today I can think of many things to say in reply, but being unable to put my thoughts into French correctly, I ordered a coffee for the man that was refused service and took it out to the very nice gentleman. The look on his face still haunts me. I saw fear in his face, anger, then I saw gratitude for me expressed all within seconds.

I returned to San Francisco and immediately put all of the lessons of my travel to positive use. Interestingly enough, you never notice at the time how exposure to a variety of things can impact your life and what you do with your life. I returned like a roaring lion, determined to make a difference for others. Paris taught me to treat everyone with respect no matter what job they were doing at the time because no one, not even me, is the job or position that I may be sitting in. It's something that we often forget when we see a clerk, a delivery person, a restaurant worker, or a housecleaner. Paris taught me that we are all the same, just walking different paths.

In one of my roles as a volunteer, I started to facilitate workshops for people planning to retire. It was called Life Reimagined and help folks to work together to develop a strategic plan and roadmap to retirement or to answer the big question of what's next in their life and how to reduce the stress of achieving it. A few weeks ago it dawned on me that my teaching of these lessons are now being used to teach me how to reimagine a new life successfully with less fear. So once again, I planned and decided on another major transition with my partner. We have moved from San Francisco to Australia. As an Australian, the move was less stressful for him. For me, everything leading to the move led me to consider other options in my dreams because of the extreme amounts of fear of the unknown, will I be able to understand their English, fear of not having medical coverage, fear that no one will like me in Australia, will I be treated as poorly as Americans treated me for 50 years, will I make new friends, will my old friends hate me for leaving and how do I read a scale or weigh fruits and vegetables. These are the crazy thoughts that run through one's head that can throw you off key and into a depressed state of mind.

After working hard my entire life and finally planning to relax is stressful because I forgot to schedule a conference call with my brain, heart, gut and body so that they could vote on it. They aren't happy with me. Together, they have been well trained to send me out the door to a 12-hour day job, go for drinks with colleagues and then to bed. And repeat. I forgot that it takes time to change habits, be them good or bad. Here are a few things that I have learned and share if anyone is planning a major move or life change. It's easier planning the financial issues, where you want to live and what you want to do once you arrive to your destination. The rest is invisible stress and mood swings that pop out like a jack in the box.

Here are a few tips and ideas I have been taught by so many wonderful friends, old and new, to help me to settle in and settle down into this new period of transition:

• Create a comfortable space

• Know that you will be overcome with homesickness initially, expect it to be in disguise

• Get out and explore the community, the city and the country

• Go out and socialise and make new friends

• Volunteer, if you are not relocating for a job

• Be kind to yourself

• Keep an open mind

• Keep a journal

• Don't be discouraged by language barriers

• Be independent as soon as you feel comfortable

• Get involved

• Practice meditation and mindfulness to stay grounded (if it works for you)

Today I listened to Rosemary Clooney singing a song written by James Taylor called, the Secret of Life which inspired me. They said, "The Secret of Life is enjoying the passage of time so we might as well enjoy the lovely ride" Today, I am learning to enjoy the ride as I glide right in. If you are planning a major or small transition, go for it.