One of the most difficult things I have learned in life is to live in the present. So many people in the field of mindfulness and meditation say it all the time as if it's like taking a stroll through the park and smelling the roses. For me, it was not a simple exercise to manage, but I didn't give up.
Living in the present moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift. The part that's missing is that we all live in a world full of chaos, hatred, racism, jealousy, and greed to name a few distractions. When I talk to friends and colleagues about their lives, I can hear and feel the struggles they are experiencing to stay focused in the present moment. Many couples that I know are using their young child or children to try and destroy each other. The gender of an individual doesn't matter, they all seem to get caught up in the power of making the other person miserable. Others have lost their jobs because of the tough times many are facing during the COVID epidemic, and they are struggling to survive. The last thing any of them want to hear is to 'Live in the Present'. Every day, if we are honest with ourselves, we all spend moments savouring wonderful memories from our past or worry that difficult times from the past may return for a visit. Often, I find myself out of the present and into the future as part of my daydreaming. For example, I have been away from my truest friends and best colleagues for almost 2 years and thinking about future plans to see all of them again brings me joy and happiness. I miss not being there when they are ill, celebrating a birthday, a marriage, or raising little baby champs that are growing up so fast without me being there to hug them, tease them, and rock them to sleep in my lap.
With all of that said, I am totally aware that the future is not in our control. The moment we are experiencing right now is the only moment we can control. As difficult as it is to believe, when we live in the present we stop trying to guess what might or might not happen tomorrow, next week, next month or any time in the future. The challenge and the struggle is trying to stay focused on what is happening in the here and now without becoming too distracted. Each day comes along to pull and yank at you, expect that to happen, it's just life. We all have relatives that may be ill that we think about throughout each day. I enjoy taking a walk thru the past each day to enjoy good memories, but I also think of the future. I have a sister that has been ill with dementia for several years and there is no cure. She has no memory of me, her younger brother that she cared for and protected during my youth. My thoughts of her always make me smile and often laugh out loud. It's also human to think about what may happen next.
When I was working on my Master's degree, focused on public relations and marketing, I was fascinated with Abraham Harold Maslow, an American psychologist who was best known for creating Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a theory of psychological health predicated on fulfilling innate human needs in priority, culminating in self-actualisation. Maslow once said, “The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” Only in the present moment can you achieve true happiness, peace, and joy, which are all key for our mental wellbeing. He was correct, and his words push me every day to stay focused on the present. And yes, it's extremely difficult. Some days it feels like I am driving on a road full of twist and turns wearing a blindfold with people yelling at me to go to the left, swing to the right, or to slow down.
So, what can be done to help us all try to stay in the present moment? The first lesson I learned was that I wasn't able to predict what would happen in a year's time or what would happen in the next 5 minutes. In 2019, if someone would have told me that I would be spending the next 2 years in lockdown because of an epidemic I would have laughed. I could not have guessed any of the experiences that today I am having such as wearing a mask for many hours in a day to survive, or not being able to see or spend time with those that mean the most to me. In many instances, I have become closer to friends all over the world by communicating more and even writing letters and cards to express true feelings of love.
According to the Harvard Gazette, people spend 46.9 percent or more of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they're doing, and this mind-wandering typically makes all of us unhappy.
Here are a few ideas to try that have helped me to stay in the present moment:
Focus on the Now. Try to focus on what you are doing in the moment. Be in touch with your thoughts. We are all attached to our mobile devices. Try cutting things off for as long as you can stand being separated. Shut off news on the television, even take time away from the computer. It helps to take a few deep breaths to slow down. This process helped me to get back into my mindful meditation practice, exercising, simple yoga moves, dancing, and walking more.
Notice the small things around you. The next time you go for a walk or jog, as difficult as it may be, try not looking at your mobile phone, even if it's just for the first 15 minutes of your adventure. You may be surprised by all the beautiful things you may have never seen before. When I walk, I notice all the incredible flowers and baby (cygnets) swans.
Smile. If you ever want to be in the present, simply start your day off by looking in the mirror at the beautiful person looking back at you - now smile. Regardless of your mood, it will influence how you feel.
Random Acts of Kindness has been something that my mother taught me and my siblings. Nothing brings me more pleasure than showing kindness to others, whether I know them or not. Each day that I am out and about in my community, I smile and say hello to almost everyone. While shopping for food I chat with the cashiers, always after a rude customer puts a frown on their faces. Remember, it's important to not expect anything in return, otherwise you will be frustrated.
Giving Thanks. It sounds easy, but trust me, it's not. It's something that stays at the front of mind at all times. This happens through constant practice. I once believed there was nothing to give thanks for, but then I started to focus. Examples include giving thanks for having loyal and true friends in my life, being with a loving and supportive partner, having a roof over my head with a safe place to sleep, enough food to keep my hunger at bay, having access to information & knowledge, having a successful career, being with family that loves me, and being able to pay my bills. More importantly, giving thanks for living as long as I have with the ability to keep learning new things that help me to grow wiser.
Monitor Worrying. Time has taught me that I can worry as much as I want to about things, but it won't change anything at all. We all worry and stress about things, but sitting in stillness while focusing on today helps me a lot. Worrying never stops bad things from happening, it only stops us from enjoying the good of the present moment.
One of the secrets of keeping my mind in the present is spending time talking or walking with friends when we chat about things that are happening in our lives today. We also tend to laugh at some of the ridiculous things occurring in the present moments of our lives, bringing a dose of reality that snaps us back into focusing on priorities and the things that make a difference in our lives.
What things do you do to stay focused on the present moment?
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