Do you know what separates true friends from fake friends? True friends always tell you the truth, no matter how hard it is to swallow their message. They also never leave your side until you had a chance to digest the information with gratitude. On the other hand, fake friends lie to your face and talk crap behind your back to others. In the old days fake friends were labelled as backstabbers because of the virtual stabbing of deceit in the back to get something they wanted. Those special friends often help each other to declutter and see the light.
One of my dearest friends of many years contacted me out of the blue a couple of days ago to check in. At the time I was crazed with a work project I was trying to comprehend so I didn't answer fast enough before the ringing stopped. Within in minutes, the call came through again and in a split second all of my priorities shifted and I answered the call. The conversation influenced me to write about mental clutter. Mental clutter is anything that keeps you from thinking straight. Mental clutter can also be caused by overstimulation. We talk on the phone while eating dinner or driving to an event, or we answer and e-mail or text message while talking with a family member while watching a movie. Yes, multitasking can be good, but only to a point. Mental clutter is all the unnecessary stuff that takes up space in our brain, but continues to live rent-free as we feed, clothe, and sustain it. If we are distracted enough by all the noises that we experience each day, mental clutter will move in and take permanent residence in our minds.
The past 2 years has felt like I have been trapped in a horror film that never ends. I keep looking for an escape route only to find myself back where I started. It's called living in the world of COVID where the rose-coloured lens has been removed from my glasses and I am seeing people, governments, and situations more clearly than ever before. Growing up, I was taught to see the good in every person or situation. Lessons in life has taught me to look for the good in people who possess true values and integrity. So much can be learned by watching the way a person acts or behaves towards others. Give it a try sometimes, just quietly observe while shopping for food, enjoying a coffee at your favourite cafe, or simply sitting on a park bench enjoying the beauty of nature.
During the COVID pandemic many have shared their personal stories with me how they are being ripped off by those taking advantage of a system. Several friends have rental property and the tenants refuse to pay rent any longer, pretending they have lost their source of income as a result of the virus. So, they are living rent free and being protected by most local governments that never question or investigate if they are telling the truth. If you own property where this is happening, chances are that you will lose your house or rental space because you may not be able to pay the mortgage and may have to file bankruptcy. Is there help or protection for owners of property -- not really. Most are being told to sell their property. So, what do you do? You sit around and stress about the situation, causing lots of clutter in your mind that takes control of your ability to be happy.
Others are worried about how to stay safe and protect their families from being infected with COVID. Is it even possible to be 100% safe from the virus when there are so many unvaccinated people demanding their human rights to not to be told what to do? So many families are worried about their children. Many vaccinated friends with children have been diagnosed with COVID because of a child picking it up in school, or after attending a birthday party, or during the Christmas and New Year celebrations.
So many of us are spinning in a circle trying to manage life, but we are forgetting how to live in the moment and to take care of the most important part, ourselves. My friend that called was very clear on helping me to sit quietly and appreciate everything in my life. She taught me to let go of all the things fogging up my brain that can't be controlled by any of us. As she talked, I looked over at my beautiful snow globe that a friend and colleague gave me as present during times like these. I turned it upside down and smiled. The Buddha figure inside of it was difficult to see because of all the snow floating around. Again I smiled because that's what life looks like when we allow it stress and anxiety to take over our lives. The moment I placed the snow globe back on my desk, the snow started to disappear, and all was clear again, not for the entire world, but for me. This exercise helped me to move into a calmer and more productive space, focusing on things that I can control.
There are 3 types of mental clutter that can hijack our emotions:
Negative conversations with ourselves. Too often, the negative voices in our heads will tell us things that are not true. Most people experience these feelings every day when they look in the mirror. The voice may whisper in your ear, "You are really overweight, or that outfit looks terrible on you, or people are going to laugh at you if you wear that to the event or job interview, besides you are not very good looking today." Have you ever heard those whispers? Maybe not if you are a professional narcissist.
Worry is something that we all do every day. We tend to worry about things that we have no control over. On some level we believe that through our worrying we can actually prevent certain events from happening and control our future. We do have the ability to make choices—but we can only make those choices with the best information and guidance we have at the time. Worry pushes our thinking into absolutes and prevents us from seeing clearly. When we begin thinking in black and white, there is very little room for creativity or problem solving. Besides, nothing gets solved with sitting around worrying about a situation that we can't control.
So how do we get out of this feeling of déjà vu?
We must start tracking our thoughts. Watch the words that come out of your mouth and the things that we say to ourselves. Some of the key words that keep us stuck are can't, must, always, or never. One of the most impactful phases that we say to ourselves is that we are not good enough to perform a certain task.
When you start to worry about something - tell yourself to stop. Try replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Try to focus all the good things that exist in your life and be grateful.
Living in the present moment. It's great to remember your past and grow from any of the negative patterns. Often, we may fall back into old patterns without thinking about it. It's normal because those patterns have been growing for years.
When you pretend that you are the one sitting inside of a snow globe, it helps to keep the view clear so that you can control the things that you have the power to change.
Special thanks to Celina and Jenée for pushing me to see things with more clarity.
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