Have you ever noticed that with time and practice you are able to do something you never thought was possible? It could have been playing a musical instrument, learning to bake one of your favourite cakes, speaking a new language, or trying your luck at tennis or tango dancing. With practice, you can get better and it becomes easier each time you try.
As a boy, I can remember being told that I would never be good enough to compete with other children if they had white skin. Even at a young age I kept asking many questions because I could never understand why the colour of one's skin made it easier to succeed. I can still hear my mother's voice saying to me, "Boy, you must work twice as hard as the white children in order to get noticed and to obtain what they believe that you don't deserve to achieve as someone considered below them. More questions followed, but after seeing the look on my mother's face, I just kept quiet and went back to studying.
Achieving great grades and succeeding in school was never an issue for me. I could pass a course easily because of my photographic memory. It worked all the way through college. It only stopped when I became bored with loading my brain with photo images of lectures and chapters from books. The real issue was pretending to be surprised that I exceeded all the white students in every subject with the disability of my skin colour, and to get those on the various panels to feel proud in discovering this little nappy headed boy from the ghetto exceeding at English, Math, History and Science. I loved seeing the look of wonder and disbelief in their faces. Even today I giggle in silence when someone says, "You speak English very well for a Black person. It's usually followed by the question, so what is your first language and where are you from? When feeling mischievous I enjoy saying, "Je parle français et un petit peu anglais."
Growing up I learned that we, all of us, have the ability to do and be anything that we desire to be. At a young age, many of us have been placed in specific categories to try and keep us down. For example, girls are treated very differently from how boys were treated. My sister's dream was to be a registered nurse. During that era, I can remember my mother explaining to her that girls only go to college to find a husband and to start a family. Therefore, only one year of college would be paid for a young woman which was assumed enough time to find a man to marry. Even at a young age I was appalled that the words were passing through the lips of a woman that I respected and feared, my mother. I never heard the mention of falling in love with someone that you met. As a result, my sister wanted nothing to do with the plan and joined the air force in an effort to escape. She moved to California immediately. Even today in 2021, I still have a difficult time understanding the restrictions that are placed on women in every country, mostly by men.
After talking about this issue with many of my friends, I have learned that many of them grew up believing they were born with certain fixed abilities and nothing could ever change them. Many people growing up feeling and saying, I am not good at Math and I never will be good at it so why try. This is called having a fixed mindset. A person with a fixed mindset is constrained by their beliefs and thoughts. They give up easily with the fear of failure and a belief that they can't improve. Those with a fixed mindset are considered unlikely to succeed in school, try new challenges, and give up when things become difficult. None of it is true, but it's not easy to convince someone after many years of being mentally poisoned that they aren't good enough, when they really are good. We all have the ability to change from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. It's easier than you may believe. Sometimes our minds will tell us that you can't do it, so we don't even try.
People with a growth mindset believe they can grow their skills and abilities through effort and practice. They find freedom in their thoughts and beliefs. As a result, they try harder at difficult things and persist longer. Those with a growth mindset believe that things will get better with effort and practice. Life has taught me that everything gets better with practice. It's like creating a positive habit. When someone hears the word habit, they always believe that it's a negative attitude associated with being lazy, uninterested or just afraid of hard work. Not true. We can all create positive habits that will make us more productive in everything that we choose to do. I hate exercising but looking at my belly annoys me more. As a result, I have developed some good habits to exercise and walk more throughout my community to start eliminating my body fat. In the old days when situations became difficult, I would take to my bed with a delicious cheesecake with strawberries on top, to convince me that it was healthy. Not anymore, I walk while listening to audible books getting more fit than ever before.
During my many years as a teacher, in elementary through high school, I discovered that young people were the easiest to persuade that they couldn't do anything correct. It was my goal to teach my students that they could succeed at anything that they wanted to do. I was always excited watching some of my most difficult students that had been told year after year that they were dumb or stupid. The students believed what the teachers told them and many of the parents believed what they were told about their children. During my tenure, I worked hard to change the lives of my students, as well as the lives of their parents to wake up and do all the things they thought they couldn't do or were not allowed to do. Of all of my careers, teaching is the one that I miss the most. You are probably thinking why? I miss it because the students, all of the students were amazing and extremely intelligent once you aroused their curiosity about what they were truly interested in achieving. At the start of every semester, I would ask my students what their expectations for the year were? To my surprise, my college students were more afraid to answer than my high school or middle school students. The college students strived to be liked by the professor and were willing to do whatever they were asked to do so I turned everything upside down for them. Once students shared with me, I was able to adjust my curriculum and weekly lesson plan to keep them stimulated. To my surprise, it also kept me excited and interested.
Children often show signs of either a fixed or growth mindset at an early age. Most of my friends have children and I watch them worrying about getting the best scores on tests or essays, looking for support and validation of their ideas, and showing fear about the possibility of failing or letting the parents down. This mindset can prevent children from creating innovative skills, strategies and dreaming of what if. The worse sign or label anyone can place on themselves is that, "I am simply not good enough or I will never get better even if I try. What would our future world look like if we raised a generation of children with this mindset?
Today I have a better understanding of many of my work colleagues over the years as I moved from job to job. Only now I realise they were struggling to survive with a fixed mindset. They always avoided constructive conflicts, held tightly to old ideas and media campaign ideas, even when they hadn't worked for over 10 years, blamed other colleagues or displayed signs of jealousy of others' success or growth. Many leaders often lead from a place of fear as a result of a fixed mindset.
Years ago, I would ask myself, "What would you like to do today that you have always been too scared or embarrassed to try?" The thought often scared me and made me want to hide in bed with a blanket over my head. Our inner thoughts can be powerful and it depends if the fixed or direct mindset is doing the talking. Both mindsets are always chatting around in our heads, but we truly have the power to tell the fixed mindset to take a hike. When looking at others and thinking they are better at it than me, try thinking that they have practiced longer than me and if I keep practicing, I will be good too. I have always loved languages and the sound of French is so beautiful. There is always a voice in my head that screams, you are horrible at all languages, just take a class in knitting instead, you couldn't be any worse. With lots of persistence and determination, I have completed Beginner's French 1, don't ask me any questions or try to understand what I am saying, but the good news is that I am no longer afraid to try and I refuse to give up, even when everything sounds like je m'appelle pu pu pu doo.
So, what should we tell ourselves when the fixed mindset is in control of the bullhorn?
I can do better
I can do it with a bit more practice
I will try and not give up
I want to consider new ideas and approaches
I believe in myself
Everything is possible, if I only try
I learn best from my mistakes and become better
I am ready to fight so bring it on
The good news is that it's never too late to move from a fixed to a growth mindset. Our minds are like sponges ready to soak up new ideas and innovative ways of getting tasks completed successfully. Pushing ourselves towards the edge of our comfort zone gives us permission to form new relationships or bonds that become stronger with practice. Trust me when I say that this really does work. Lessons in life continue to lead me to the people that I need in my circle of growth and teaches me to learn from my failures. Every day I can hear my Uncle Bum laughing and telling me to get back on the pony every time I fell off of my little bicycle. I would think what pony, but now I know what he meant.
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