No One Gets to Define Your Worth

Reflections by Mikael Wagner

I recently watched the story of Sarah Rector, an 11-year-old Black girl born in 1902 in Oklahoma, to Creek Nation's parents. She was entitled to a land allotment under federal treaties. Her life changed forever when oil was discovered on land many believed had little value. As I watched her struggle against greed, racism, and people determined to take what was rightfully hers, I felt tears running down my face. It wasn't simply because of what happened to Sarah more than a century ago, but some parts of her story felt painfully familiar to me. Something triggered buried memories that many elders shared with me when I was a young boy. While watching the film, I could visualise most of them crying while sharing their personal stories of their struggles with me.

As a Black man who spent most of his life in America, I have seen firsthand how quickly success, confidence and achievement can make some people uncomfortable when they come wrapped in Black skin. Watching Sarah's Oil, the movie, I was reminded that while many laws may change and progress may be made, some struggles continue from one generation to the next. As long as racism and hatred are taught to young children who grow up and teach it to their children, nothing will change. Sarah's story also made me think about something I wish every young person of colour understood: Your worth is not determined by the people who refuse to see it; so, stop waiting for their permission to be great.

Growing up in America with Black skin I learned early that the world would not always judge me by my character or values. Sometimes it would judge me by my appearance, by assumptions, and often by fears that had nothing to do with me at all. There were moments when I felt excluded. Often opportunities seemed hard to reach. As a young man, I would ponder why some people appeared threatened or frightened simply because I existed in spaces, they never expected me to occupy. Many people of colour know this feeling well. Throughout my entire life, there was never a time that I didn't experience racism or discrimination in the workplace, when looking for housing, seeking medical care, shopping, or desiring to get an education. It reminded me of a James Baldwin saying that he was a man without a country, a metaphor for the profound alienation and statelessness experienced by Black Americans. In other words, it meant being legally bound to a nation that built its prosperity on the subjugation of their ancestors, yet fundamentally denied them equal rights, protection, and true belonging.

Elders in my family taught me that you can work hard, get an education, build a solid career, follow the rules to stay out of trouble, and contribute to your community, but it may not be enough because of how we look. We were warned that we still may encounter people who will view you through a lens of prejudice rather than possibility. That reality can be exhausting, making you question yourself or become angry. And if you are not careful, it can make you believe the lie that someone else's discrimination somehow determines your value as a person. In all honesty, it does not. That is one of the most important lessons I wish someone had taught me when I was younger. Remember, the limitations of others do not define your potential, their fear does not define your future, and their hatred will never define your worth.

There is not a day in my life that I don't wonder how my parents and their siblings survived during the Jim Crow era in America. The Jim Crow era spanned from the end of the Reconstruction era in 1877 to the passage of major civil rights legislation in the mid-1960s. This period was defined by state and local laws that enforced strict racial segregation and disenfranchisement, permanently in the American South. The system was cemented legally by the U.S. Supreme Court's 1896 Plessy v. Ferguson decision, which established the doctrine of separate, but equal. Supposedly the era was dismantled by the Civil Rights Movement, notably by the 1954 Brown v. Board of Education Supreme Court ruling and the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Although in 2026, it appears that America is being encouraged and supported on the theory of returning to old times to make America great again. I truly understand the importance of learning one's history in preparing for all that's happening today. It's no coincidence that the U.S. Supreme Court is taking many of the same actions it took centuries ago to control communities of colour and support whomever is in power at the time. I often say, the more things change, the more they stay the same or become worst.

One of the most important questions that I often ask myself is how did I survive in such a toxic environment of hate? The following helped me to continue striving for success:

• Finding a purpose in life

• Building a strong community

• Refusing to internalise hatred

• Understanding the importance of getting an education

• Building resilience

• Developing self-respect

• Choosing not to let bitterness win

I no longer question why certain films make me feel emotional or angry. For me, the film, Sarah's Oil was about memory, history, and realising that some battles continue, but so does resilience and making a commitment to ourselves to be whomever we want to be. In closing my message is to "keep going no matter what", because no one can define your worth. My question for you is what message would you give to your younger self to help you survive?