Throughout my entire life this has been a concern that all parents, relatives, neighbours and friends have discussed with each other in the hopes of coming up with answers. Although the issue is still high on my list my focus has changed to focus on what white people should be doing to stop racism from exisiting in their communities and in their homes. Many people may feel offended, but I am not suggesting that all white people are racist. However, I am stating that everyone has an obligation to stop sitting quietly while racist acts are happening in their presence. Putting oneself in a dangerous situation would not be recommended but there are many other acts that can be implemented to stop a racist in their tracks. Over the past few months we have all observed how the act of white privilege has been used to attack black people and others of colour who are minding their own business on their property, walking in their own neighbourhoods, jogging for exercise, shopping for food, laughing with friends, birdwatching in Central Park, enjoying a family cookout, eating in a restaurant, driving in their car, studying for an exam in their college dormitory, sitting on an airplane being accused of kidnapping the child sitting on their lap, or simply breathing for air in black skin.
In 2019, I conducted a survey to find out what black parents should do to help their boys and girls to survive in America. I would like to share some of the thoughtful responses and ideas that were shared from concerned parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, neighbours and friends of families. Here are some the precious comments received.
Black and Latino parents first need to be reconditioned about what we actually know of the history of racism and classicism. Explain and talk about racial and social control. Honestly, when I think about it, you can talk to your children, tell them everything to do and they follow accordingly but still not survive. It's disheartening.
Study hard, aim high, get a good education and plan for college. Do not break laws or get involved in police confrontations.
You are loved and you matter. Your origin, story and identity are not a deficiency or liability, they are part of your beauty and magic.
Educating your children about their heritage and history of oppression.
I think parents of Black and Latino children need to instill pride in their children and teach them to have respect for all, but also teach their children that sometimes people do not have respect for others, and some may take every opportunity to make them feel unworthy or disrespect them or treat them unfairly. Our children must know that they live in two different worlds and we need to teach them how to adapt to different situations in order to rise above whatever obstacles they may face in life. In times of stress, stay calm and keep a clear head. Always remember who you are, keep your values, your honor and pride.
We have to be very realistic, they’re going to have to work 10 times harder to get the same results as their white counterparts because of systemic and institutional racism.
Know your roots and learn about yourself as much as possible.
Parents should insist that the schools their children attend teach American history and not patriot propoganda. Black, Latino, and Asian history in America should not be segmented by race but instructed as a critical component of how labor to "make America great" transitioned from poor white indentured slaves who were previously in England's debtors prison or jailed for crimes where the majority were White settlers. Those that came over above deck on the Mayflower were the founders. Schools should instruct how the British Empire attempted to enslave every population of indegenous to the North American continent. Schools should teach that stealing land from the indigenous people of this continent and committing genocide was the European modus operandi for building land wealth. Also stealing people from the continent of Africa who had no homeland on this continent to escape back to was how wealth was built by not having to pay for the enormous amount of labor required for America to become their sins successor to the most powerful empire for the next chapter of imperialism in world history.
Hands up, don't shoot isn't working. Every Black and Latino parent should be teaching their children how to join the NRA and learn to walk in the world, but carry a big (fire ) stick.
Don't just vote to ensure their constitutional rights, but also run for office and learn to build strong alliances between black and brown people.
Teach your children racism is REAL. They ARE NOT what people negatively believe about them and that we come from ANCESTORS who have fought and died for us to have a voice.
First of all, the world is not fair. There will be people who will treat you different because of the colour of your black or brown skin. Share with the children that they come from a wonderful history of great people who have and continue to do great things. You are born for great things, no matter what anybody says or do, just know it's their lack of knowledge that causes certain negative reactions. You can share some of your heritage if the situation allows but know it's ignorance that causes them to react the way they do, but regardless of what they say or do you are of your ancestors and you are great.
Visit your local police station and introduce him/her self to the Captain. Let them know who you are so you'll be recognized when stopped or questioned. You are not a threat and your local police district office needs to be aware of this fact.
There are people in the world who will think that they are better than you because your skin is dark. It's not you but them who have the problem. Never let them put their limitations on you. It is their limitation that is showing and you must keep your eyes on your goals.
Teach children what documents they must have in their possession and what official papers they must have in their car. Important to teach them what to say and not say when stopped by the police.
We must know our history so you will know what we are up against. If something racist has happened to you, tell your loved ones, don't keep it a secret.
Provide historical context. Teach them about their legal rights. Basic mindfulness (self awareness, self management, intuition) can be very helpful.
Get an education in order to have a strong voice.
After reviewing all of the comments that came from parents, I can feel the pain in my heart as tears run down my cheeks. I remember being taught at the young age of 7 or 8 about the dangers that I would encounter as I became older. I didn't understand most of the conversation, but I could tell by my mother's voice that this was a very important topic and it was essential to listen very carefully without interrupting her with
questions. It helped to have an older brother and sister who could fill in the blanks. To be honest, the conversation frightened me and for a few weeks I wished that I could stay a little boy playing in the yard with my friends. By the time I was 10 or 11 all of the lessons taught were used to protect myself and my friends from the brutality of those hired to protect us. As I became a man I realised that they were hired to protect some of the people, mostly the ones that didn't look like me. That's when I realised that people were taught that anyone with brown or black skin were the enemies with a desire to harm them or rob them of what was stolen from other generations of people.
In the survey, parents were asked if talking to young boys and girls about racism would make them more afraid. This was always one of my concerns when mothers started approaching me when they saw me walking around town in a "Don't Shoot" sweat shirt my partner designed for me to hopefully protect me from harm. This is how participants responded to the question:
60% - No
25% - Maybe
10% - Yes
5% - Not sure
When parents were asked if talking to boys and girls about racism would make them more aware and stronger, overwhelmingly they felt that it would make their children stronger.
90% - Yes
5/% - No
5% - Maybe
Did your parents talk to you about the racism, hatred and discrimination that you may encounter growing up? Or did they teach you to fear black people or anyone with dark skin? In talking to many of my friends, colleagues and family members today, they all admitted to receiving the conversation and being re-educated about it over and over again every 6 to 12 months to make sure that it was never forgotten. So many wonderful people openly shared and remembered conversations they had with their parents. Here are a few of their thoughtful comments:
When I was growing up, the "Village" really did raise the children and the police were a part of the community, so we did not fear them. We were aware and looked out for each other in our community, where we gained what some would say "street smarts".
You've got to be better than your white counterparts.
Do the right thing -- stay out of trouble -- but we know respectability politics doesn't negate police brutality.
Do not talk back to the police. Even if you are right and they are wrong. Listen, as your life depends on it because it always will.
To always be proud and careful with my actions because we are immigrants and people will judge you.
My parents taught me that only a race of people superior in every way could have not only survived the savage apartheid black people are subjected to in America, but contribute to the greatness of this country. Without our people this country would be as our president refers to countries that have borne the terrorism of colonialism, just another shitty country. My parents taught me to know who I am and how the physical, mental, intellectual, and spiritual magnificence that is ingrained in my DNA ensures that I and the generations that follow me will be blessed and highly favored. And no matter how "bad" things may sometimes get and/or look to me and others, "STILL I RISE".
Not to trust white people.
Always be respectful and humble. You life depends on it.
I was told that people did not love themselves when they act harsh towards others. Love yourself. Maybe those hating and killing innocent people hate themselves.
Be aware in all situations and don't put your complete trust in anyone even your "friends"unless they are "true" friends and not the fake ones.
I am beating the shit out of you, right now, so the white man doesn't kill your big stupid mouth.
If stopped by the police don't talk back and do what they ask of you.
Without an education you don't have a chance in life.
I was brought up in the 50's. It was different than it is now. My parents made us children become aware of people and our surroundings. We were taught how to enter a room and assess in 60 to 90 seconds for danger or unsafe circumstances.
I can only imagine the grief that parents, siblings, relatives and friends continue to feel as the unnecessary murders, beatings and brutality continue without corrupt police officers being penalised for their crimes. Despite the large number of police killings annually, police are almost never charged for excessive force violations. Between 2013 and 2019, 99% of killings resulted in no charges, according to Mapping Police Violence. I would like to take a moment to say the names of a few of the people that have died unnecessarily. The names and the way they died is devastating but it makes me and so many other young warriors stronger and willing to fight for truth with the drive to eliminate corruption, hatred, brutality and racism. Names that come to mind include:
George Floyd
Sandra Bland
Tamir Rice
Dominique "Rem'mie" Fells
Michael Brown
Jamel Floyd
Natasha McKenna
Alton Sterling
Riah Milton
Eric Garner
Breonna Taylor
Philando Castile
Bernardo Palacios
Michelle Cusseaux
Sean Monterrosa
Stephon Clarke
There are so many other names that could appear as a part of this list which go back for many years.It doesn't matter if you are male or female, a child or an adult. If your skin is black, you are the target. Now take a deep breath. Inhale the love and compassion for those that suffered unnecessary deaths. Exhale the the anger, pain and retribution that the murderers will meet on their path of destiny for many, many decades to come.
In times gone by, I would exhaust my brain trying to figure out how lovely children became racist adults. I stopped thinking about it and started observing and listening to things that white parents would say in front of their children when referring to people of colour. The young children as young at 4 or 5 would simply repeat the derogatory words without knowing the true meanings and receive praise from their dad or mom with the token of a cookie, a piece of candy or a can of coke and a hug. Often I would hear fathers say, "That's my boy". I have heard white mothers say, "Now don't date or marry a no good boy with black skin. They are not good enough for you".
I recently read a story in the June 2020 issue of Slate called The Talk. Autumn McDonald wrote a great article about black parents talking to their children about police targeting and brutality. This quote is from her article, "Like my son, I am deeply afraid and it’s based on a lifetime of experience. The week that California schools closed to accommodate shelter-in-place orders, parents in my son’s class were scheduled to meet with the teacher, principal, and district leaders to discuss four instances of the use of the N-word in my second grader’s classroom. My son’s “friend” once told him that he was his slave. And when he was just four, another parent at soccer practice called my son “violent and hostile” for raising his voice slightly—while his blonde-haired teammate, who was speaking in the same way, was simply “overtired.” When watching what feels like the same newscast over and over again, the same question keeps running through my head. Why are peaceful black lives matter protesters attacked, sprayed with tear gas, beaten, tased, shot in the face with rubber bullets and then murdered with real bullets for marching peacefully. At the same time, white protestors may arrive armed and screaming derogatory words and profanity at protests or in government buildings and yet, be provided with unending patience and protection by someone's law enforcement because they are truly not the law enforcement of black people or any person of colour. With all the injustices that persist, the man that sits in the White House in one of the highest positions in the land, encourages hatred, racism and the killing of innocent people because of the colour of their skin. It would bring me the greatest amount of pleasure to see those causing so much harm to be in reversed roles and treated the exact same way as they have disrespected the lives of so many others.
Byron Wilson of the Wilson Academy delivered an amazing presentation on what black people need to start doing in order to make a difference. He suggested that black people start spending money with black businesses only until the message impacts white businesses. He also added to stop supporting non-equitable businesses. There is no need to fight, just don't return and spread the word widely to others. There is no change without sacrifice.
So what's next for a country that every other country in the world is watching to show their true colours? Policies, politicians, and organisations that benefit from systemic racism must be dismantled. Advocates argue that no change can come about until policies are put in place weakening police unions, and ensuring police cannot be militarised or demilitarised at the whim of the president of the United States. The decision to offer police military equipment is not made at the local, but federal level. And police union officials, who often shape the rules police officers are governed by, are voted in by officers in the union — not by the public.
Also, complaints about police action are not always looked into — Chauvin had 18 complaints against him, but was nevertheless allowed on the street the day of Floyd’s killing. And again, 99 percent of officers are not charged following killings. With little other recourse than to attempt to press for change — and with decades, even centuries of frustration fueling, it's likely that the protests and the violence will continue.
As a person that may be concerned about all children, what would you recommend or what changes do you believe could make a difference? Or do you feel that it's hopeless to try to change what has been created, facilitated and approved for over 300 years? I would love to hear your ideas for positive change. I strongly believe that all of our allies who can use their white privileges can make a huge difference. Your help is needed to change the tide of negativity.
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