Suffering

We are all aware of the suffering that has occurred throughout our lives, but I have to think very hard to remember them for some reason. Suffering seems like a significant event that takes place with the ability to change our lives, but once it's over, the sorrow disappears, and we are all happy again. I never gave this much thought until today.

Over the years, I have learned there are joyful and horrific suffering in life. When you find yourself in the middle of it, it is difficult to tell the difference. I have watched friends struggling to survive unhealthy relationships over and over again. Through the tears, the anger, and providing a safe place for them to regain their strength, I have been there. Like magic, once the horrible relationship is over, it's like watching a beautiful rainbow in the sky.

Often fake friendships can take a wrong turn when a genuinely evil person’s real face gets revealed. A couple of years ago, I had what I believed was a friend who destroyed my trust after attempting to ruin my reputation by lying non-stop. Fortunately, everything backfired in their face, and I overcame the disappointment and learned from the experience. Today, if I saw them, I would thank them for being an asshole and teaching me to recognize anyone with a similar personality.

There always seem to be pros and cons to the suffering times we experience. On my daily walks, I tend to talk to everyone, regardless of their age or ethnicity. When asked about painful times, everyone was willing to share the good and the bad.

Many people are often closer to their pets than to their relatives or siblings. Everyone has a story to share about a loving pet that died. It doesn’t seem to matter if it was a month ago or 15 years ago; tears tend to form in the eyes when chatting about little Danny, Ankie, Bebe, Punky, or Mikey. Everyone always seems to smile when they share how ill their pets were, and they are in a better place now.

I can remember suffering when my mother died. Like so many parent/child relationships, we often fight with our parents and become closer to them as we become adults or grow wiser. I was fortunate to have assisted in taking care of my elderly mother. While spending quality time with her, I regretted not being around very much except to visit once or twice per year. Even today, memories of the wild laughter, dirty jokes she told, and funny tricks she would play on everyone makes me laugh. I no longer wonder where I got my wicked sense of humour and my love of having a fun time with friends. Although her passing made me sad, she told me that it was time and gave me two weeks of notice to prepare for her voyage. It made me smile, knowing that she was happy and out of pain.

If you have ever lost a partner or spouse, then you know how painful it can be. Thirty-one years ago, I lost someone that I loved with all of my heart. I envisioned us being together forever and growing old. Being naïve, I thought that young people lived until the ripe old age of 100, enjoying life. I was wrong. I felt consumed for a long time with a feeling of grief and loneliness, facing the fear of what’s next. So many friends appeared and helped me to survive. My partner’s sister, Lesa, was at the forefront of showing me lots of love that enabled me to become the person I am today. I am happy that she is still a genuine part of my life.

One of the most challenging situations is when a parent loses a young child. That’s one that I can’t explain since I am not a parent, but I can only imagine the pain of seeing an innocent young child take their last breath. It always feels wrong to me.

Many of my closest friends have suffered tremendously after losing a job. They seemed to keep replaying the message in their heads that perhaps they weren’t good enough, although deep down inside, they knew it wasn’t right. In the workforce, there are many reasons that people lose their jobs every day that has nothing to do with being competent or qualified. Often it depends on who is in charge of hiring staff. As much as we hate to believe it, racism and sexism exists in almost every company across the board. I often share with people that losing a job can be a blessing in disguise, as something better is waiting to be discovered.

I have learned a lot from older people, and yes, older than me. Wise elders have taught me to enjoy life and be grateful for every single moment. They advised me not to worry about death but to live life to the fullest without any regret. I have always been one to take chances and explore. Friends often define me as a curious cat, ready to explore new things, even if I stumble and fall. The key is rising up and trying again.

The year 2020 has been a year of suffering on many levels. Being American, I feel the pain and suffering that my friends and colleagues deal with every day. It's a year without meaning for me. I genuinely think that leaving America to live in another country at the end of 2019, saved my life. When I look at the volume of physical abuse by police all over the country and the murders of peaceful protesters, it turns my stomach. I used to question myself and wonder if the cruelty, racism, and hatred would ever stop. This year has given me the answer, no, it won’t stop without a full-on domestic war on race.

I didn't want to believe that a once-great nation is reduced to one of the worse places in the world. It only took one foul leader to create more suffering and pain than I have ever seen in my entire life. The past four years of the Trump administration (2016-2020), have been filled with non-stop lying or as he calls it, fake news. So much deception have led to the suffering of so many leading to the destruction and disrespect of a once great nation.

In December 2019, Mehdi Hasan, Senior Columnist at The Intercept, wrote an enlightening article called, The A-Z of Things Trump Could and Should Have Been Impeached For.

Hasan shares, "The harsh reality, of course, is that Trump commits impeachable offenses on nearly a weekly basis." The articles provides an A to Z of such offenses — by issue and/or by crime — that were inexplicably overlooked or ignored by the House of Representatives. Be mindful that the crimes committed in 2020, such as ignoring all warnings of the Coronavirus and allowing people to die while telling his supporters that it's all fake news. Also, orders to attack and kill peaceful Black Lives Matter protesters was part of his plan using white supremacist groups and armed forces to allegedly control crowds. To date, over 5,000 children including babies and toddlers have been taken from their migrant parents at the Mexican borders. Hundreds of children are locked in cages today.

As a nation suffers, I wonder how long any of us would remain out of prison for a handful of the criminal charges that the leader of America has been able to escape. Like many, I hope that this corrupt administration will soon end and place all those involved in conspiring to cause suffering to be punished. America and the world deserves so much better from a leaders.

I often ponder on how we come to grips with the amount of suffering introduced in our lives. There are time with the pain is unbearable and then you wake up and the pain is less. As humans, are we created to manage the stress of suffering? Living during COVID-19 has been difficult, but most of us are managing to stay calm. How do you manage during tough times?

While listening to Carly Simon sing, Haven't Got Time for the Pain, the lyrics ring true in my mind. She reminded me that none of us have time for the pain, we haven't got room for the pain, and we haven't the need for more pain. It's a great song to remind us how much love we need to share with ourselves first.

Congratulations to President-elect Joe Biden and Vice-President-elect Kamala Harris. There is a lot of work to do.