Sympathy vs. Empathy

Have you ever been pushed to do something you didn't want to do? This week, I was convinced to watch a film entitled, Mary Shelley. It tells the story of Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin, author of one of the world's most famous Gothic novels 'Frankenstein', and her fiery, tempestuous relationship with renowned romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley. They are two outsiders constrained by polite society but bound together by a natural chemistry and progressive ideas that are beyond the boundaries of their age and time. An incredible character is created, which loomed large in popular culture for centuries, but society at the time put little value on female authors. The film taught me to have a better understanding between sympathy and empathy. Throughout my entire life, I have used them interchangeably, believing they meant the same thing.

Honestly, as I watched Mary Shelley, I found myself swept up not just in her story, but in the raw, unspoken emotions that lingered beneath the surface of every scene. It made me reflect on how often we confuse sympathy with empathy, offering pity instead of presence, and words instead of understanding. In a world where we are constantly exposed to other people’s pain—through headlines, social media, or personal connections, do we truly know how to feel with someone, rather than just feel for them? With my true friends, as we call each other, 'Champs', we always feel for each other. True friendships resist time, distance, and silence. We always seem to know when something is off, even without words being spoken. Now I understand the saying, "An old dog can learn new tricks", every day.

Is there a difference between sympathy and empathy? Here are a few tips:

Sympathy:

• Definition: Feeling pity or sorry for someone else's misfortune.

• Tone: Distant, sometimes even condescending (though unintentionally).

• Example: "I am so sorry you are going through that."

• Emotion: Often comes from a place of kindness but keeps a boundary.

• Effect: Can make the other person feel seen, but not truly understood.

Empathy:

• Definition: Putting yourself in someone else's shoes and feeling their emotions and pain as if they were your own.

• Tone: Personal, connected, supportive, and validating.

• Example: "I can imagine exactly what you're going through, but I have felt something similar, and I am always here for you."

• Emotions: Requires vulnerability and emotional presence.

• Effect: Builds trust, healing, and a strong human connection.

This old dog was reminded that empathy matters more than ever, especially for those that I care the most about. Empathy builds deeper relationships. It helps us to connect on a meaningful level, whether in friendships, relationships, families, or with work colleagues. It reduces the judgment of others. When we empathize, we stop making assumptions and start seeing people's behaviour through a lens of understanding. People often don't want advice; they want to be listened to and heard. Empathy tells someone, 'You are not alone.' For most people, sympathy might make you send thoughts and prayers. However, empathy moves us to show up, speak up, and step in. Contrary to what many believe, empathy is not just a personality trait, it's a muscle we can strengthen with awareness and practice.

An easy way to remember what sympathy refers to is to think of a greeting card section at a store. You feel bad for someone who is going through a difficult time, so you express your condolences with a sympathy card. In other words, you aren’t putting yourself in their position and imagining yourself struggling with their situation. Therefore, it’s possible to have sympathy but not empathy.

When we practice empathy, we dive into the depth of their emotions and envision ourselves in their situation. It's not about how we feel about their experience but rather we are stepping into their shoes, going through and feeling their feelings. For instance, if a friend tells you that their dog or cat recently passed away, you sympathize by saying, "I am sorry for your loss." But if you were to empathize, you would imagine yourself losing a beloved pet and feeling the grief and loss that come with the experience.

So, the next time someone shares their pain or frustration, pause before offering comfort. Instead of saying, 'That must be hard,' try sitting with them in the hard. Because while sympathy sees suffering, empathy steps into it, and that makes all the difference. In a world where it's easier to scroll past pain or offer polite words from a distance, choosing empathy is a radical act. It requires us to sit with discomfort, to listen without fixing, and to feel with rather than just feel for. Sympathy says, 'I see you're hurting.' But empathy says, 'I will sit with you in the hurt.' One acknowledges the pain; the other shares it. And in that shared space, healing begins. If we want to build stronger relationships, deeper communities, and a more compassionate world, empathy isn’t optional, it’s essential.