When first introduced to Coronavirus and COVID-19, I didn't really think that it would be this serious or last this long. I really thought that it was a passing illness that would be under control in no time. The more I started to read about it and research the information I could feel my body start to tense up a bit. So I had the bright idea of looking for someone that may be old enough to have seen something like this before in their lifetime. I searched high and low for anyone that may have experienced such a time. I started to freak out when I couldn't find anyone that was old enough to have seen the devastation that would soon appear. The more information I received and thought about, the more I could feel my behaviour and emotional state began to change. At first there were small changes and then I could see a few major changes within myself.
As COVID picked up steam around the world, the impact on the lives of everyone became clear. So many people were losing their jobs or directed to work from home if they were lucky. Many people faced the stress of never wanting to work from home, which is not easy for everyone, especially if they are not set up to do so. Many workers who were barely surviving during regular times were laid off from work, having to rely on unemployment or other benefits if they lived in a country that treated their people well. The saddest part was watching many businesses shut their doors or close down completely. Watching people panic left me cold, watching people fighting over toilet paper and buying more than any person or family could use in a year, if not a life time. It appeared that the virus and the fake news was turning people against each over something as simple as toilet paper. In my entire life I have never seen stupidity up close that made me want to hate people. This was a strange emotion because I enjoy almost everyone, as long as they are kind and polite.
As many of you know, I thoroughly enjoy observing people and actively listening to conversations. Lately, I keep hearing the same conversation week after week which often make me laugh, but other times make me shake my head in an effort to understand. People tell each other, things will be back to normal soon and we will get on with business as usual, just wait and see. This is when I have to stop and pinch myself to consider if the old normal was really as good as people are making it sound. Well, to be honest, I don't want to return to the old normal and I am certain there is a reason why we are where we are today. I don't know the answer, but I don't want the old normal back unless there will be a new and improved version of it.
My response to COVID has been filled with lots of ups and downs. Initially I thought that I may be on the verge of losing my mind, having so many feelings I have never experienced quite like this before. Being at home all the time has never been difficult for me. For the past 20 years I have worked at home as an independent consultant and I love being free. However there was something different about mandatory working from home or the feeling that it's the law. I started to worry that my roller coaster emotions were being experienced just by me. I soon learned that I was not alone. After 5 or 6 months of dealing with COVID, I started to feel extremely bored and restless. As an extreme extrovert I miss socialising with people, even those I don't know or anyone on the streets. Wearing masks makes it almost impossible to have a fun conversation with someone or, to smile. Anger is another emotion that has jumped to the forefront. I am not an angry person, but I have noticed a lack of patience if there is any inappropriateness or rudeness when I am out buying food or walking. Stress is playing a major role in my life, especially when I hear or read about the murders and shootings of black people or any person of colour around the world. Every single day for too many months, innocent black men and women have been murdered by police and the reasons have been unexplained as to why an unarmed person not putting up a fight to be arrested is shot 11 times or more in front of their children. It doesn't matter where we are in the world, this remains very painful and stressful to me.
Often I have troubling thoughts of an unknown future and being unable to plan anything. Just today, we had a discussion at home on how we would celebrate a loved one's birthday that is happening in the next couple of weeks. It made me feel sad that the only option we have would be doing something on Zoom or all driving and putting our cars in a circle, six feet apart and yelling happy birthday out of the the window with our masks on looking like complete idiots, but happy idiots nonetheless.
What I miss the most in my life today is being able to attend art openings and fabulous cocktail parties. The last art exhibition I was able to attend was in the beginning of 2020. It feels like it was 5 years ago, now when I think about it. It was a great show with art work by Keith Haring and Jean-Michel Basquiat. Fabulous event that I will never forget. I often savour the experience when I am sitting quietly as I stroll down my wonderful mental experiences of life. I also miss going out to dinner with friends or having small gatherings with friends. I miss all the love that was shared and especially the laughter we all enjoyed. Lastly, I miss my friends that live in other parts of the world. My travel to see them is now done online, the next best thing to being with them. Friends have always been very important to me, but during these times they are at the top of my list. I love seeing them when we schedule Zoom Happy Hour calls and laugh and talk over each over and laugh some more just like old times. It's all we have right now and I am grateful for being able to see them and share cocktail recipes and have a look at anything new they have purchased in their beautiful homes. Such little things really can bring a lot of joy and I relish the experience for many days afterwards or whenever I need to feel inspired.
How are you doing is always a question that family, friends and others will ask you when they see you. Lately I am not sure how to respond to that question. I usually say, I am good, I am okay, or comme ci comme ça, which means neither good nor bad in French. Lately, that's my mood everyday. How do you respond to the question, how are you today? Does it depend on the day?
Have you noticed any changes in your life during these times? According to a psychologist friend of mine, he says that many of us may be experiencing some behavioural or emotional changes that may be temporary. They include:
Changes in our eating habits. During the past 6 months I have gained 12 unwanted pounds. Other times I have to force myself to eat.
Drinking more alcohol. I am definitely drinking more Pinot Noir and Sauvignon Blanc wine. Lately my favourite night time drink has been shots of Fireball Cinnamon Flavoured Whiskey. Hey, it helps me to sleep better.
Start smoking or return to smoking again.
Using drugs to relax.
Insomnia or Excess sleep. There are days when I don't want to leave the bed.
Isolation from others.
Feelings of resentment toward a partner or children.
Have you experienced any of these changes?
One of the good things that COVID has taught me is how to be aware of my emotions and in control of them. During the past months I have felt numb, happy, angry, shocked, terrified and sad. To be honest I never know when something will trigger tears to appear in my eyes or tears to run down my legs from laughing too hard. It's great to be aware of one's emotions and in control of how you may respond to them or to someone. Even listening to some of my favourite songs bring tears to my eyes and often I cry like a big baby. One of the songs that bring back so many memories of a very special friend is called, I Don't Want To Lose You, by the incredible Phyllis Hyman. Something that we do every evening at home is get together as a family and watch fantastic films or television series that always make us smile, laugh, cry and then laugh some more. Try it a few times a week. I must admit that it really does take away the dark feelings as you start to lose yourself in the film you are watching. Almost instantly you become a part of the story being shared. Rewatching Miss Fisher's Murder Mystery Series for the second time, fills me with so many good emotions that help me to relax and smile a lot. The music from the show makes me jump up and dance every single time. Did you know that laughter is great for the soul? It truly changes one's mood. Remember to try being aware of your emotions at all times, it does get easier with a bit of practice. And even more important is to remember to be extra kind to yourself, that way you become kinder to others too.
I just want to say that none of this is easy to accept. There are a couple of things that I am doing that really helps me 95% of the time to be the person that I love. I am working hard to make it 100% every day. Here are some of things that I am doing to keep my mind on track:
Avoiding excessive exposure to media coverage about all the things bringing me down. It's not easy because negative information slips in, but it's how we respond or react to it. We always have a choice.
Taking walks around the neighbourhood or to the local park to admire the beautiful flowers, plants and trees.
Mindful meditation has saved me. It helps me survive the many ups and downs that could exist to bring me down. It's simply learning how to breathe and take control of any situation. There are many free programs that exists and they are very good. There are two that I am using now, one is Mindful and the other is called Smiling Mind. They are both apps that can be dowloaded to your mobile device.
Make an effort to seek or accept accurate information about COVID and avoid fake information or conspiracy theories generated to say there is no virus, so don't wear a mask because it's your right to do so.
Focusing on the things that I can control and letting go of what's out of my control. Making an effort to do a better job of looking after myself and my emotions.
Reach out to others. Staying in touch with friends, family members, partners, colleagues and others is very helpful, even when that voice in your head says no, I don't want to talk to them. If friends or family members are far away, schedule fun Zoom calls, you will be surprised how much fun they can be.
Maintain a positive attitude and a sense of hope.
Always acknowledge the emotion of what is being felt. During these times it's normal to be stressed, overwhelmed, upset or anxious about the future or what's going to happen next. It really does help to live in the present, not in yesterday and certainly not in tomorrow.
Sleeping at least 8 hours per night. Initially I was unable to sleep for many weeks due to overthinking and stressing about every thing. As of now, I am much better and learning to enjoy a restful night and wake up smiling.
Now my favourite part - tell me what things bring you joy and happiness? What things would you recommend that have been used to help you stay focused and calm during these very odd and stressful times? I would love to hear your suggestions and add them to my list to help me reach my goal of happiness and joy.
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