(Photo by Jon Rendell)
This holiday has been the most difficult post I have written in the past eleven months. There are two voices in my head having conversations about the holiday season. One said, just be happy and go shopping and buy lots of gifts that no one wants. The other voice said, just be honest. So, I punched the one I disagreed with out of my head and decided to share my views on a holiday that I never really understood why everyone became crazed over. I feel like the little bird in the photo above, staring into space.
As a young boy growing up, I remember how my siblings and I would cry and make long lists of toys we wanted Santa to bring us. We never received any of the things on the list, but we always received a pair of socks, a toy car, or school pencils. Today I can only imagine what my mother was going through struggling to raise and provide for three young children after my father's death. Once during Christmas, I saw tears in her eyes that I didn't understand at the time, but today I do. It's not difficult to understand the relationship that I have with Christmas. It has never been a favourite holiday for me and has never made sense to me.
Each year, I watch people worldwide in most countries becoming obsessed with shopping for gifts. Many of my friends would become depressed during the holidays because they would overspend and purchase more presents than needed for any unexpected visitors to their home that were uninvited. Every January, I would watch my friends struggling to pay their rent, mortgage, or bills because they went into debt for Christmas. This week, I went into the city to see my medical physician. I felt overwhelmed by the crowds of people everywhere lined up to enter department stores or view the lovely Christmas windows with their children at the major department stores. I wanted to scream and run as if I played a part in a frightful Alfred Hitchcock movie. It helps to have a sane and robust partner by your side to grab you when needed.
The year 2020 has been a year that no one expected. It is a year full of disappointments, loss of lives, loss of jobs, restrictions, and not being able to visit with those we love and trust the most. If somebody had told me to expect this in 2019, I would have laughed, but today no one is laughing. It's difficult for me to celebrate good times when so many people worldwide are suffering. I wonder how the young immigrant children locked in cages are celebrating their Christmas and their parents that were never reunited with them. I look at homeless people sleeping in the cold streets without food to eat or a warm bed to sleep in, and that pains me. Then I look at an imbecile of a man destroying a country, even during the Christmas holidays, without regret.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing lasts forever, and we are ready for a change in the world. This year for Christmas, my wish is to share the love that you feel in your heart for others. While writing this blog, a couple of close friends sent notes to chime in on what Christmas means to them. They said, “Life is too short; hold on to the love in your heart. It’s not a year about gifts, or maybe it never was, but it’s about holding on to what is important.” The comments brought tears to my eyes and the biggest smile as Stevie Wonder’s Ribbon in the Sky came through my earbuds as if planned.
I am thankful this year to be surrounded by love, having a warm place to lay my head, enough food to eat and share with others, and my health. This year, my wish is for everyone to try to be kind, first to themselves to enable them to be kind to others without expecting anything in return. Love is my gift for this holiday season. I wish you all a very special and happy holiday.
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