Many of my true friends tease me about thinking too much, always trying to figure things out in the world around me. Then they hit me with a topic and we sit around thinking some more and laughing at ourselves before hugging and sharing our love for each other. Sometimes I wish that I was a young boy or man today when so much is being explained. I am not sure if many young people are interested in learning or observing things that are happening in the world, especially today. I look around, I observe the news and I dive deeply into many books written by the most intelligent people during these horrific times. Whether I have met them or not, they have all had an impact on my life today. Often I talk about my late mentor, the incredible Dr. Julia Hare who worked diligently to prepare me for what I see happening in the world today. I was a young man at the time and now I realise the challenge of trying to grasp lessons when you haven't acquired the experience of life yet.
The photo above shares a few of the every day microagressions that I have received since I was able to speak as a child. The best part about being young and innocent is you don't understand or care about what flows out of mouths of people. Besides, my main priority was trying to get home from school with time to spend with all the older neighbours looking out for me with cookies and apple juice as my treat for helping them rake their yards, wash their dishes or put out their trash. Then running home to play games with my friends before getting called in to do homework and prepare for dinner and a bath. As I grew up I realised that the derogatory words yelled at me were the same ones from when I was a kid watching my big brother punch guys in the face without any fear. I thought, when I become six-feet tall, I want to be a tough guy like him.
Over the years the words and garbage that fly out of the mouths of ignorant and racist people made me immune to their attacks. The ones that were less stupid noticed they were not getting the effect they desired so they moved on to a weaker Black, Latino or Asian person to harass. At a young age, my brother taught me to never fear a bully because they were simply cowards that walked around in packs of other bullies for support.
Not long ago I was introduced to the terms microagression, implicit and explicit biases. Each facilitator specialising on the topics captured my attention immediately and I had lots of questions. Anyone who knows me only smile because I am like a curious two-year old with lots of questions. Annoying to some people I am sure, while stimulating for others. I learned that microagressions can be intentional or unintentional and sometimes even well-meaning. As I raised my hand with a question, the facilitator smiled and responded as if she was inside of my mind. She shared that Microagression is a term used for brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioural or environmental indignities that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatised or culturally margined groups. Back in the 1970s, Harvard psychiatrist and professor, Chester Pierce, M.D. created the term to describe the types of conscious or unconscious put-downs, something that he, as a Black man had witnessed firsthand. Today we see the brazen, loud and proud, mouth frothing Confederate flag-waving racists that sling the N-word around like it's part of their fake prayer to an unknown entity they have never seen called God. Of course, their behaviour is a macroaggression. Most sane people with an ounce of intelligence would agree that this type of behaviour is appalling.
Implicit biases are pervasive. Everyone possesses them, even people with commitments to impartiality such as judges. Implicit and explicit biases are related but distinct mental constructs. They are not mutually exclusive and may even reinforce each other. Explicit biases refer to the attitudes and beliefs we have about a person or group on a conscious level. Much of the time, these biases and their expressions arise as the direct result of a perceived threat.
We often get the terms prejudice and racism confused or we use them interchangeably. Prejudice is based on stereotypes that we have been taught or learned along the path of growing up. We all have them. Several times I have heard people of all colours yell at someone, "You are in America, so speak English." However when many of those same types of people are visiting France, Italy or another country they yell, "Why don't you people speak English." When I lived in Paris I would pretend to be French and not speak English as the arrogant White Americans would yell at me in English demanding directions. I would look at them with a confused look that I had practiced for months and say, "Je ne parle pas anglais." They would swear at me and call me the stupid nigger. I would smile and wave goodbye to them and laugh all the way home at how ignorant they were, especially wearing fur coats in the heat of Paris.
Racism requires the policies and practices that praise white people as super beings because of the colour of their skin. It's yet another lie that the forefathers taught White people 400 years ago and the same lie has been used for generations to help them to feel superior. Many believe that the Civil war concluded and so did racism. During slavery, White people were taught that no one could be superior to them because of the colour of their skin and that everyone else was beneath them and should be treated less than human or as property. The lies reinforces white privilege and undermine the culture of inclusion. Although white supremacist may not be aware of it, they are also dealing with the trauma of their past, but many are not willing to take an honest look at it and correct it. Instead a culture of hate and white body superiority has been created. The tale continues four centuries later. Welcome to 2021 and the attacks on the U.S. State Building in Washington, D.C. Not many of them are able to voice a realistic outcome and how it will help a nation to survive that makes sense.
If you have been fortunate enough to have never experienced attacks of microaggression in your life, ask yourself if you have been engaged in acts of microaggression towards others. Here are a few examples that may spark your memory:
Trying to get a taxi while in Black skin may be impossible in most major American cities if not the world. Interpretation: If I pick up a Black passenger there is a high percentage that he or she is going to rob me, kill me or steal my taxi so I will pretend they are invisible and not pick them up. When I lived in Washington, DC for several years, working for the Obama Administration, I have to say, I was dressed for success every single day in beautiful suits with my White House badge for entry into every building, but no taxi would stop for me, unless I was with a White man or woman. Often, White men would walk over and say, let me help you after watching me standing for twenty minutes trying to get a cab. They would step in front of me, several cabs would stop instantly, and he would tell them the destination and open the door, smile and push me into the car. The driver always looked horrified but got me to my location with fear in their eyes. One morning I was rushing to the White House for a meeting. I normally would walk there but it was snowing a lot and cold. I tried to hail a cab for over thirty minutes and they kept stopping for White people that just happened to walk up. Finally I pulled off my furry winter cap to see if it would make a difference, although I was freezing. Suddenly, I noticed that a taxi decided to turn around and pick me up. I was shivering. I asked why he came back. He said because I looked like a sweet man that was freezing. Once I entered the car, he begged me not to kill or rob him and he would take me to my destination. I told him I was going to my job at the White House and he teared up and apologised for being racist and shared stories with me about previous experiences that damaged him. Being late for the meeting was worth sitting and talking with him and hearing his stories, besides the taxi was warm. He shared that more White people had robbed him or jumped out of his taxi without paying than Black people. I invited him to lunch and he accepted. I told a co-worker that I was stuck in the snow and to cover the meeting for me. It was one of the best things I ever did in my life and it still makes me smile today. During my time in DC, whenever I called him on his private number he would pick me up and we would laugh and chat and nibble on his lunch.
A person of colour person is pulled over by the police in what is considered to be an affluent neighbourhood where it's assumed they could never afford to live and they are asked where they are going; and then told there has been break-ins nearby recently by someone that fits their description. Is that a good enough reason for initiating the traffic stop? Interpretation: Any Black person in such a neighbourhood has to be up to no good. It's a red flag for police, even though the person may be driving home.
A retail employee or security guard in a local shop where you often go, such as Walgreens, Safeway, Macy's, Myers, Target or K-mart, following you around for no reason. Interpretation: The retail staff's behaviour exposed a deeply engrained racial bias that Black people are all thieves and con't be trusted. It's very similar to driving while Black. It's assumed that the Black person probably doesn't have the money to buy something in the store and must be monitored. When I worked at 25 Van Ness in San Francisco I would shop at the Walgreens across the street just to make sure the often obese security guards got some exercise as I would swiftly walk up and down the aisles chatting with staff, looking at products, picking them up and walking even faster. I would always say good bye to the exhausted security person who had missed the young white guys stealing half the store and running out because they looked like they belonged there.
Black executives, whether they are wearing a suit or in expensive jeans, with a law or medical degree, they are presumed to be support staff in a professional meeting. Interpretation: Black people are always expected to serve White people. In a recent Essence Magazine survey, 45% of Black women said that racism was experienced the most in the workplace environment. Once I was waiting for my car to be brought to me by the valet at the Fairmont Hotel where I had a dinner meeting. While waiting, a woman came out with her friends and handed me to her parking ticket. I ignored her and she went completely nuts. She yelled, "Get my Mercedes boy". Without any emotion I responded, "Am I wearing a valet red jacket? However, if you want to give me your Mercedes as a parting gift that would be great." She looked confused and all of her friends apologised and offered to pay for my parking. I refused and got into my car and laughed all the way home. A Black person would never make that mistake.
Touching the hair of a Black woman or man without permission. Interpretation: What you are saying when you do this is that touching the hair growing out of their head is permissible because a Black person's hair is unusual and White hair is normal or the standard. It goes even deeper, it implies ownership or claiming one's property which has a horrific history. If a Black person walked up to a White person and touched their hair without permission, the cops would be there to arrest them for assault and battery. This happened to me most of my life since I had a big reddish blond afro. As I grew older and shaved my head, White people wanted to feel my head or rub it for good luck. Mind you, I am not the quiet, naive little boy anymore and my grip on someone's wrist would definitely be a call for assault, and I would probably make the call for them because their wrist would be broken.
When someone says, I just don't ever think of you as Black because you act so White. Interpretation: What they are saying is you are not like the Black people on television that are rapists, robbers, or murderers. In other words, that type of Black person would be less desirable to both of us.
You are so well spoken for a Black person. Interpretation: You sound too White to be a Black person. Do you think you are White or do you work on sounding like White people. Well you have done a great job mimicking us.
You are so beautiful and exotic, you can't be Black, so what race are you? Are you mixed with French, Italian, Cuban? Love the colour of your skin. Interpretation: Dark skin is scary, but it's assumed that lighter black skin indicates you are mixed with people from a beautiful culture. At this stage of the game I love telling people that both of my parents were African and dark as the Ace of Spade so I can see the fear in their eyes as they look at their watch or try to answer their mobile phone that hasn't started to ring yet. That always brought me great pleasure.
9-1-1 what's your emergency? There is a Black man walking down the street with a blond White child and I am sure that he kidnapped the child and is going to sell them into sex trafficking for drugs. A description is given and the police show up faster than if I was in an accident. Interpretation: A black person can't be with a child that looks like they are from a different race without suspicion. It must be quite unusual or unacceptable for a Black person to be in a mixed marriage. This happened to me a few times. I have friends of many races and as an elementary school teacher for many years, I love children as much as they love me. Remember, I ask tons of questions like a two-year old. After many questions and calling up the parents of the child, police often followup with an apology, but explain they are only doing their job.
When four police cars stop you at a red light for no apparent reason. They step out and say, "Is this your car? Can you afford this little red Miata?" This actually happened three blocks from my loft in the Dog Patch district in San Francisco on Third Street near the UCSF Medical Center in Mission Bay. My response, "Yes sir, it's my car." Then the appropriate response was, " I need to see your driver's license and automobile registration." They check me out and I suppose I checked out as clean, then they asked, Where am I going?" Struggling to stay pleasant and polite, I told the truth. I confessed, "I am going to Safeway to do my weekly shopping". His response made me smile from the shock and utter fear that I would be murdered for driving while Black in San Francisco. Since the draw bridge was up letting boats through he insisted on taking me the back way to get to Safeway faster. I said good bye to life and followed him with three cop cars behind me. To my surprise, he led me to Safeway and on the speaker said, "Have a great day shopping sir." I almost pissed in my pants and ran directly to the bathroom in the store. Interpretation: Blacks can't afford anything nice or just don't have good taste. So we must assume that he is some young kid on drugs or selling drugs who stole the car from some nice White person.
Have you ever felt the fear of others when you entered an elevator at work or any place of business? As a Black man you feel it every single day if you are honest. When I worked for the San Francisco Department of Public Health, every time I took an elevator in the building where I worked, White people, especially women looked terrified and would immediately clutch their purses or brief cases and hold their phones very tightly. They would all move to the opposite side of this closed moving box. Interpretation: The same old story. Every Black man is a thief, robber, rapist and murderer -- don't get into an elevator with them. If they enter an elevator that you are already in, either get off and wait a different one or hold on tightly to your purse and have your phone held in your hands in case you need to call for the police. Do not look at them because they may think you are making a sexual advance towards them. Besides, they probably don't work in the building. In case you don't know me, I am an extreme extrovert that talks to everyone and everything so this made the elevator ride from floor to floor more frightening for my White female colleagues. I can remember how relieved they would look when the building undercover cops would enter the elevator until they would all give me those man hugs that felt like they were breaking my ribs as their way of saying hello and they always had a snack for me because of my love for sweets. The look of confusion on the rider faces were priceless and later the officers of colour and I would laugh like crazy and replay the incident.
Employment Interviewing was the most interesting. Although a resume may be recommended by human resources, it was decided before the interviewee arrived that they wouldn't be chosen. People are chosen by their names. If a person's name sounded too ethnic, they would be eliminated, even if they were highly qualified. Certain names such as Latifah Bell, Khalid Jackson, Nneka Lewis, Ijeoma Udofo, Kofu Jones, Jennabeth Williams, or Towika Scott would be eliminated because of preconceived ideas about people they had never met. Usually when I would walk into a room for an interview, jaws would drop because they either thought I was German, French or some other race. That's when the fun would always start for me and I would think interview, who cares about that, let's play the game.
Has any of these things ever happen to you? I could write a very long, boring book of experiences of all the negative experiences that are more worse than any of these that have occurred throughout my life and the lives of other Black people minding their own business. I use to wish that I could understand the logic behind micro aggressions, but as I have matured, I am no longer interested in wasting my time trying to understand something that those projecting it are not interested in seeking why they do it.
What would you do if your clothing was on fire, like how I visualise certain politicians that lie all the time? Liar, liar pants on fire always disappoints me when there are no flames. Those are the same tools that should be used to stop microaggressions. You would stop, drop and roll. Reminds me of being in elementary school doing earthquake training. Not sure why that vision popped into my head.
STOP to consider what you’re about to say by applying it to yourself first. What if you were on the receiving end of aggressive and offensive non-compliments from a spouse/partner, boss, stranger, or friend? What if you pointed it out only to have the other person deny it or say you can’t be upset because it wasn't meant as a put-down? Consider how your words were interpreted.
DROP your defenses. Getting defensive ("Or you calling me a racist?") or turning the tables (“You people are too sensitive) only fans the flame that have been lit. Try actively listening to what the other person is saying with the understanding that you may have offended them.
ROLL with change. If you’re called out for a microaggression and feel embarrassed about something you said, that’s evidence of a healthy conscience. The fact that you care that you caused pain to someone else is an important lesson in life. It’s not easy to change how a person may think, speak or behave. Being adaptable with a desire to change and learn from others is essential to change. All we can do is to try to do better and grow.
I would love to hear some of your experiences and how you were able to handle them.
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