Dealing With a Bully

Have you ever felt bullied as a young child or even in your workplace? Not all bullies shout. Some smile. Some manipulate. Some drain you slowly while convincing you that you are the problem. Are you familiar with a narcissist? Most of them are bullies and will do anything to get their way. Of course, it's never enough because they will always want more until they destroy everything around them. Often, they will blame others for their shortcomings or mishaps.

Just in case you didn't learn your history, today, in 2026, we are fortunate to have many narcissistic leaders in the world demonstrating this behaviour. Surely, one of them must come to mind. Listen and watch very carefully to everything they say and do to get their way. Narcissistic bullies tell lies 24-hours per day and appear to believe they are always right. In the workplace, they tend to bully their directors and managers to agree with them and do everything requested, even though many know it's wrong, but still strive to please the bully. These lessons in life that are happening now will provide you with a different view on surviving and standing up to a bully.

When I was seven, my parents made something very clear. They taught me to be aware of my surroundings and if I saw someone being bullied, to never look or run away. My mom always said, you stand up, regardless how big they may be, even if your voice shakes. At the end of our family meeting, mom looked at me and said, your brother and sister will teach you how to fight and protect yourself and others. The next day the lessons started. Amazing how those lessons never left me or my ability to identify a bully in a crowded restaurant, supermarket, walking to do errands, or even in church. They are everywhere and pretend to be whatever they feel that can trick you into believing they are good people. Trust me, they are not.

As I grew older, I realised something very important, children who are bullies in primary school grow up to become an adult bully. They never disappear and always get promoted in the workforce. Here are a few things that can define a narcissistic bully that you may encounter:

• Gaslighting: Is a form of psychological manipulation where the bully makes you doubt your own memories, perceptions, and sanity, often by denying events that happened or insisting you are too sensitive.

• How to Deal:

  • Document everything: Keep a detailed, private record of conversations, dates, and times to ground yourself in reality.

  • Disengage: Do not argue over what happened. Use phrases like, "We remember this differently," or "I know what I saw," and then exit the conversation. 

  
  

• Control: The bully uses intimidation, isolation, and manipulation to dominate your actions, thoughts, and environment.

• How to Deal:

  • Set firm, small boundaries: Assert your rights in small, consistent ways, such as "I cannot do that task right now".

  • Minimise one-on-one time: Avoid being alone with the bully to reduce their ability to intimidate you. 

• Lack of empathy: An inability or unwillingness to recognise or care about the feelings, rights, or suffering of others.

• How to Deal:

  • Stop expecting empathy: Do not look for validation or fairness from them; this will save you from disappointment.

  • Use neutral, factual language: Keep communications professional and unemotional, as they do not care if they have hurt you, and often hope they will. 

• Superiority Complex: Narcissists exhibit a superiority complex primarily as a defence mechanism to mask a deeply fragile, insecure, and defective inner self overriding intense, unconscious feelings of inferiority. This persona acts as a shield, protecting them from acknowledging their own deep-seated inadequacies while allowing them to manipulate, exploit, and demand admiration from others.

• How to Deal:

  • Set firm boundaries: Clearly define what behaviours are unacceptable and establish consequences if those boundaries are ignored. Be prepared to enforce them consistently, as they will likely test your limits.

  • Use the Gray Rock Method: Become uninteresting and emotionally unresponsive to their attempts to dominate, boast, or provoke a reaction. Keep interactions short, boring, and emotionally detached to reduce their motivation to manipulate you. I find it helpful to practice moving your buttons around so that they can't be pushed or found by those who are accustomed to pushing your triggers.

  • Don't seek Validation: Accept that a narcissist with a superiority complex rarely takes input, feels entitled, and will likely not accept your perspective or feelings.

  • Manage Communication: When you must speak with them, be direct, concise, and avoid emotionally charged language. Try using "I" statements to express your feelings without inviting or encouraging a debate.

  • Detach Emotionally: Try to understand that their actions stem from their own insecurities, not your shortcomings. Detach from their need for control and try not to take their criticisms personally.

  • Build Allies Quietly: Surround yourself with supportive friends, colleagues, or family members that you trust. Often, the narcissist is usually a family member who thrives on controlling and blaming others for their shortcomings.

  • Prioritise an Exit Plan: If the situation is abusive, prioritise your safety and consider reducing or eliminating contact.

You don't win against a narcissistic bully by proving your worth. You win by refusing to play their game which makes them angry, kicking, and screaming. Bullying is about power. And power thrives when no one challenges it. The question is not that narcissistic bullies exist, but whether we can recognise them early enough to protect ourselves and others that we care about.