Just to be clear, this is not a post about forgiving others who tried to cut your throat or stab you in the back on purpose. It's not something that I have ever believed in doing. When and if someone gets close enough to try to take advantage of me or pretend to be a friend, there is no need for forgiveness because they are considered dead in my book and no longer exists. My lesson in life today is about learning to forgive oneself when a mistake is made. Often, we can be harsher on ourselves when we make a mistake. I am learning how to succeed at forgiving myself without crawling into a dark hole beating myself with an invisible whip.
Over the years so many people have preached that you we will feel so much better if you forgive someone who hurt you on purpose. I have never understood their reasoning. I love observing people and situations. The same people that have repeatedly said, "You must learn to forgive," never walked the talk when someone crossed them. They always said, "I hold no grudges and I forgive them," but I have observed that most of them only forgive on the surface and pretend to have forgotten.
As a young boy, my mother taught me a very important lesson in life. She taught me to listen and hear what people are saying and to observe their actions because that is where the truth lies. Negative people will say anything to get what they want or to trick you. Every one of us has probably been fooled by a master liar, hustler, trickster, politician, or narcissist a couple of times in our lives. It only takes one person that gained your trust and deceived you that will teach a lesson that will never be repeated.
Forgiveness is something I have learned to hold for myself and for those that I love in my circle of champs. I no longer hold anger in my body for those that cause harm, no matter how small or large. Deceit is deceit and it's no longer tolerated or accepted. Today, I enjoy watching people lie and create fake stories. I find it amusing because I can smell bullshit from afar. Besides, the lies and the fairy tales can be interesting and sometimes amusing. Look out the moment they stop being entertaining.
Forgiving oneself is more significant than wasting time on someone who never asked to be forgiven for wronging you. How often have you done something upsetting and there was no one to blame, but yourself?
Several days ago, I worked over 6 hours developing a curriculum for an upcoming presentation. At the end of the long period of creating something that made me smile, I left my desk to make a cup a tea before going to bed to relax. Upon my return to the computer, I decided that I wanted to charge my iPad. As I went to the outlet to turn on the switch, I made the mistake of hitting the wrong button which turned the electricity off for my computer. I froze for about 5 minutes with fear as I flipped the switch back on. As my computer restarted, I remembered that I had forgotten to save the document and I had no notes since everything was created out of my head. For hours I worked nonstop to try to find the document, but finally accepted the fact that it no longer existed. I hope this never happens to you. I went to bed and tossed and turned all night hoping that it was all a dream. Well, it wasn't a dream at all. The next day, self-blaming started as soon as my eyes opened. The self-bashing and degradation continued throughout the day as I walked around full of gloom. It's painful when you can't blame anyone else, but yourself. After the second day during my meditation a voice chimed in and told me to get my act together and return to the computer to redo the work that had been lost. With lots of fear, I approached to computer and tried to recreate the project. Once I thought about it, the creative juices started to flow, and I was able to create an even better document with thoughts bouncing around in my head.
This was one of the greatest lessons in life for me. Sometimes the only thing standing in our way of moving forward is ourselves. I have learned to move that dark side of me out of the way because I have too much work to and so much that I want to share and give to others. I learned there is nothing that can stop any of us from truly doing whatever we want to do, but we have to really want it more than anything. Negative opinions from people that are often doing much less if anything at all, will not stop me. Falling down or tripping over a bad experience should not stop anyone. Even failing at a project does not discourage me because it helps us to learn and grow from those mistakes and to be better.
The project that I am creating is designed to help people that are 50+ to take a closer look at their present lives and plan what's next. Everyone has the power to write their own next chapter. Otherwise, someone else will write it for you and that can be an unpleasant experience. It's up to each of us to decide our priorities for joy, happiness, and our well-being. I want this project to be a presentation followed by a half day workshop. At some point I am hoping that the session may be conducted in an open space, classroom, or online via Zoom. You will hear more about the project soon. If you have any questions, please get in touch with me.
My message today is to remember to love and appreciate yourself for all that you do. When any negative thoughts enter your mindset, recognise and analyse them, and replace each of them with positive messages. Like any habit, it takes practice and repetition until it feels comfortable.
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