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Tears of Happiness, Tears of Anger


Do you ever wake up wondering what will happen today? I never know for sure what mood I will be in as the day progresses. Each day is completely different from the the day before and is certain to be different from tomorrow, the day that hasn't occurred yet. If anyone would have told me 10-months ago that the entire world would be dealing with a deadly virus with no vaccine or cure, government officials and leaders in every country lying to their people to hide the truth instead of fighting for them to survive, or an influx of murders of black people simply because of the colour of their skin and the desire to be treated equal. It's still difficult to believe that encouragement from incompetent leadership to racist white supremacist hate groups to carry and use military guns to kill black lives matter peaceful protesters is happening every day. Also the spread of conspiracy theories as an explanation for an event or situation that invokes a conspiracy by sinister and powerful groups, often political in motivation. The amazing part is that many people believe the lies that are covering the truth. Throughout my life, these theories have existed, especially around vaccines, and wearing masks to protect each other, but never have I seen so many millions of people armed and ready to believe information from unknown sources as a part of brainwashing and manipulating people to help unknown entities to gain power. I truly believe that if everyone who believes in the conspiracy theories would spend the necessary time to read and research the data and make decisions for themselves as opposed to being led like sheep. After all, many, many years ago, populations all over the world were being manipulated and brainwashed by marketing and advertising campaigns that surely caught the attention of political leaders as a way to plant the seed of untruths.


People around the world will truly die as a result of believing many conspiracy theories. These theories are widely present on the Web in the form of blogs and YouTube videos, as well as on social media. During my entire time working in Washington, DC, one conspiracy theory that existed throughout former U.S. President Barack Obama's time in office was a theory that he was born in Kenya instead of in Hawaii. Although political opponents knew the truth, they used the media to spread lies and incite unrest, anger and hatred among American people. Many members of Republican leadership continued to question his citizenship status. In case it has been forgotten, Donald Trump was and still is a leader in spreading fake theories in order to reach down into the depths of those who want to believe lies as opposed to seeking the truth. Belief in conspiracy theories is generally based not on evidence, but in the faith of the believer.


According to author, Jesse Walker, he has identified five types of conspiracy theories:

  • The "Enemy Outside" refers to theories based on figures alleged to be scheming against a community from without.

  • The "Enemy Within" finds the conspirators lurking inside the nation, indistinguishable from ordinary citizens.

  • The "Enemy Above" involves powerful people manipulating events for their own gain.

  • The "Enemy Below" features the lower classes working to overturn the social order.

  • The "Benevolent Conspiracies" are angelic forces that work behind the scenes to allegedly improve the world and help people.

Every single day this year makes me shed tears of anger and sadness. It doesn't matter what country I am living in, it all feels the same to me, just different degrees of hatred, injustices and racism against certain groups of people. Often I visualise what it would be like to be white anywhere in the world where privileges would be gifted to me for doing absolutely nothing, except for having white skin. I wouldn't need a college degree, I could attend any school desired, or not needing experience to get a job over any person of colour, I could live in any neighbourhood that I desired, I could get a bank loan to purchase a home at the lowest interest, I could enter a store without security guards following me or walk down the street laughing with friends with my hoodie on without being harassed and beaten by cops if I am lucky to not be shot 11 times in the back or murdered in front of my young children. What a great life it would be, I suppose because I will never have the opportunity to experience it while breathing in black skin.


Living in Australia has waken me from a deep sleep. Lately I have become very interested in politics in other countries and it's like having a bucket of iced water thrown in my face. Initially I was confused by the terms Labor and Liberal parties. I wasn't very concerned and assumed that Liberal was like the Democratic party and Labor was like the American Republican party, but I was wrong. I learned that the Labor party was for the people and the Liberal party was for businesses and people with money. Even today I still feel a bit confused because I have always believed in supporting the best person for an elected position, regardless of the party they may be representing, as long as they are doing or attempting to do the right thing. I am learning that my beliefs and opinion may be in the minority. When I read and listen to horrible things that come out of the mouths of politicians saying that all people living in public housing are nothing more than drug addicts, alcoholics, are immigrants and English is not their first language, causes the hair on my arms to stand up. I just wonder if the Senator speaking their mind has ever lived or met real people living in housing projects? Watching this person with the volume on mute shocked me because nothing by racism and hatred evolved from her twisted face and mouth. It looked like pure evil to me, but once again being a Christian or talking about God always seems to be a key ingredient of their evilness. Once again, I am observing everything about a new country and yet the same evil leaders seem to exist all over the world, regardless of their accent or languages they may speak.


I shed tears everyday when I hear the number of murders that have been committed in America by racist police. I shed tears when I hear that the wrong black man or woman was attacked and killed because they looked suspicious. I cry when I hear that community racists follow black men and women in their trucks with shotguns and murder them, but are not arrested. I cry when I read about young black boys being shot several times by police because they are playing in a park or their front yard with a toy gun. I cry when I see police cars and white supremacist cars driving through a crowd of peaceful black lives matter protesters. I become angry when I see how black and brown people are treated or mistreated when they show up for medical care. How many of them went in for treatment of the Coronavirus and were sent home without care to be discovered that they died weeks later? I am saddened when a 17 year old, demented looking white boy crosses a state line with a military weapon to attend a black lives matter protest and ends up killing and wounding several of them, but yet he is praised by the U.S. President for his bravery and again congratulated by police departments. It's even sadder when people calling themselves Christians support his shootings by starting a go fund me account and donate over $1 million for his defence. No one seems to care about the families of the people that he murdered because of his hopes of becoming a police officer, like his idols. What's wrong with this picture?


I was just notified of a billboard now up in the heart of Times Square on 43rd and Broadway. The billboard is directly across from the New York Police Department. Interspersed with footage of brutal police violence it says: “Hey NYPD. It’s us. NYC residents. The ones who pay your salary. “We paid $300 million to settle your lawsuits. You paid nothing. We need to talk.” Check it out.


I also shed tears of sadness when I see villages in Africa where people, especially children are dying everyday from hunger. I cry when I know that medical care is not available for them and knowing they will die from a disease that we don't even think about in the rest of the world. Africa is one of the richest continents in the world with a small group of billionaires that are African and responsible for stealing its wealth, selling its resources and becoming richer. Call me naive, but how do you step on people that look just like you? It makes me sad. The stories of my tears travel to every country in the world and it changes nothing.


To remain sane I have stopped stressing on things that I can't control and on the evilness of people, and turned my attention to focusing on what I can change, my attitude, and how I respond to things.


I cry tears of happiness everyday of my life too. When I think of my true friends who have always shown nothing but loving kindness and they always make me laugh. Thinking of them make me smile and cry because I miss them so very much as they are living all over the world. I shed happiness tears when I think about all the energetic and powerful young people that are doing what my generation struggled to do in the fight for justice and equality. It's an exhausting fight for something that no one should have to fight their entire life over. I watch the little children holding up signs and speaking out about justice and climate change, and it brings me joy. I cry when I see people of all ages and all colours bonding together on issues around black lives matter and injustices for all indigenous people struggling to survive. Young people are proudly standing for truth. I become emotional over innovative television programs and movies that have been created to focus on topical issues in the world today and offer potential solutions. Two of my favourite shows are Woke and I May Destroy You.


One of my friends and colleagues created a video that touched my heart today and I could feel the tears dripping down my cheeks. It's called Truth and Reconciliation. I even tear up when I see and meet black people who are akin and not just a-skin, meaning they are truly black. I become happy when I connect with others and we immediately develop a bond like soul mates. Lately I even cry when I think about all the things that I use to take for granted, but I am truly aware of each of them because of my mindfulness practices. Initially I thought I don't take advantage of anything until the voice reminded me. Every morning I would take for granted that I could have my coffee, or that food was in the refrigerator, or that I could turn on the heat or the air conditioner or I could safely go for a walk without fear. Even just sitting outside and enjoying nature was something that I took for granted, but not anymore. Everyday, I am grateful to everything in my life and around me.









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